My weight loss battle trudges on.
The scale is going down,
But at an agonizingly slow pace.
At this rate, I should be thin by the summer of ’09.
I’ve tried to do it without exercise.
My head told me “No, don’t do it”
But my ass is yelling “Get off of me!”
The scale is my only voice of reason.
So today I joined the gym.
Not just any old gym…
Planet Fitness.
Their business model rocks.
The philosophy they adhere to is that they are a “Judgment Free Zone”.
Everyone is welcome and made to feel like they belong.
The free weights for instance, only go up to 80lbs.
Body builder gym rats need not apply.
This place is for the fatties.
Besides every other contraption known to man,
Planet Fitness offers 30 minute circuit training.
I believe this was designed specifically for people like me; the attention span challenged. .
Leave me alone to get through a series of machines and I can lollygag with the best of them.
I go at my own leisurely pace and rarely break a sweat.
With the circuit training system, green light means go,
The red light means stop and move on to the next machine.
20 stations in 30 minutes…
You’re in, you’re out, and you’re home.
But here’s the best part!
Monday night is Pizza night,
And Tuesday morning you get free bagels!!!
All for $10 bucks a month, no contracts.
As my friend Dini used to say…
“What a deal!”
Ever talk in your sleep so loud that you wake yourself up?
I woke both Mike and myself up last night with my nonsensical chatter.
I was dreaming that a man kept trying to break into our home.
It was a very repetitive dream.
The guy would approach the house, activate the motion detector lights (which we don’t even own), then he’d retreat.
The lights would then turn off, and he’d come back and try again.
And again.
And again.
Sadly, it is clear; Even in my dreams, I have absolutely no patience.
In the beginning of my dream sequence, I was terrified.
Shortly thereafter, I became annoyed.
Quickly, this led to being downright pissed.
I subsequently turned the tables on Billy-Bad-Ass.
The next time he approached our front door,
I yanked it open with a crazed look in my eyes and scared the Be-Jesus out of him.
“Take that you asshole” I hollered, as he was scampering down our driveway.
Last I saw of him he was screaming like a schoolgirl and holding onto his crotch.
Needless to say, Mikey was not amused by my outburst.
I however caught a major case of the giggles and could not stop laughing.
This further annoyed Mike,
Which of course intensified my giggles.
Silencing your laughter is never a good idea.
It only gets worse.
I literally laughed myself back to sleep last night.
It was an awesome sensation.
I sure hope that little guy comes back to me in my dreams tonight.
Maybe this time I’ll laugh my ass off.
Literally.
Or at least two sizes of it!
My niece’s son Dakoda is an Elmo freak.
So when I heard the new 10th anniversary “Tickle Me Elmo” was being unveiled on Tuesday, I made a mental note to pick one up if I was out and about.
Christmas is after all just 3 months away.
Sure enough I found myself driving past a Target Tuesday morning.
I stopped in and headed right for the toy department.
2 stockmen were setting up an Elmo display.
“Do you have the new Tickle Me Elmo or am I too late” I asked.
“I haven’t seen him” the one guy told me.
“Would they be by the stuffed animals?”
He shrugged.
“Well he’s here somewhere, your Sunday ad said so and you better find him because there are going to be hordes of people here any minute fighting for one!” I insisted.
Clearly unmoved by my Elmo enthusiasm, he shrugged again as he continued to unload the discreet boxes.
“What’s in the box?” I asked him.
“Don’t know” he said.
“Well let’s take a look.”
“Can’t”.
“Why not?”
“It’s top secret”.
Aha!!!
“It’s HIM isn’t it? Elmo is in the box!”
“I don’t know Mam”
Arghhhhhhhhhh!!!
The packaging on this box is unbelievable.
There is no way to see what’s inside.
If you try to open it, Elmo’s squeaky little voice scolds “No peeking”!
I took a leap of faith and bought one.
It was $39.99
40 bucks I paid for a box and I don’t really know what’s inside of it.
I’m not sure what that says about us as consumers, but I’m pretty sure it’s not flattering.
So you can imagine my glee this morning when I heard Matt Lauer telling America that the new “Tickle Me Elmo” is sold out in stores but are now selling online for 200 bucks!
Somehow, I feel redeemed.
Go Elmo, you fuzzy little freak…
Go!
It’s a big-time buyers market out there.
So what makes someone choose one house over another?
The floor plan?
The school district?
The neighborhood?
My guess would be one of the above.
But our buyer Kristi, a divorced Mom with a 3 year old had different priorities.
Hailing originally from Wisconsin,
She walked into our “Garden Gate” living room (green),
Which was right off of our “Golden Fleece” dining room (yellow),
And one thing came to mind…
The Green Bay Packers!
She felt home, she told us.
Our color scheme sealed the deal.
Unbelievable!
The Pack is back?
Hell I don’t know.
They’re off to an ugly 0 and 2 start this season.
But they’ve also got a couple of new fans cheering them on down in KC.
Go Green Bay.
The Dig - A type of shot players use when receiving a serve or playing a hard, low hit ball.
The Set - An overhead pass in which the setter directs the ball upward with a high arc toward front-line players at the net.
The Spike - The most aggressive shot in the game. The spike is a powerful overhand smash into the opposite court performed by front-line players.
I’m brushing up on my Volleyball lingo.
Jordie made the school team this year and as I sat through her first game yesterday, it became clear to me…
I don’t know squat about volleyball.
But what I do know is that I’m LOVIN this game.
It’s fast paced, physical, and best of all, played indoors!
Eat your hearts out Soccer Moms!
The second best thing?
We don’t live in Indy anymore where I used to have to shout “Go Trojans!”
We’re the much more respectable “Thunderbirds” now.
Go T-Birds.
Ace it! (A serve that is neither touched nor returned by the receiving team. It scores an immediate point for the serving team.)
Yeah.
I’m digging it.
