Take That You Asshole!

Ever talk in your sleep so loud that you wake yourself up?
I woke both Mike and myself up last night with my nonsensical chatter.

I was dreaming that a man kept trying to break into our home.
It was a very repetitive dream.
The guy would approach the house, activate the motion detector lights (which we don’t even own), then he’d retreat.
The lights would then turn off, and he’d come back and try again.
And again.
And again.

Sadly, it is clear;
Even in my dreams, I have absolutely no patience.
In the beginning of my dream sequence, I was terrified.
Shortly thereafter, I became annoyed.
Quickly, this led to being downright pissed.

I subsequently turned the tables on Billy-Bad-Ass.
The next time he approached our front door,
I yanked it open with a crazed look in my eyes and scared the Be-Jesus out of him.

“Take that you asshole” I hollered, as he was scampering down our driveway.
Last I saw of him he was screaming like a schoolgirl and holding onto his crotch.

Needless to say, Mikey was not amused by my outburst.
I however caught a major case of the giggles and could not stop laughing.
This further annoyed Mike,
Which of course intensified my giggles.

Silencing your laughter is never a good idea.
It only gets worse.
I literally laughed myself back to sleep last night.
It was an awesome sensation.

I sure hope that little guy comes back to me in my dreams tonight.
Maybe this time I’ll laugh my ass off.
Literally.
Or at least two sizes of it!

Lunesta

You’re a butterfly
And butterflies are free to fly
Fly away, high away, bye bye
(Someone Saved My Life Tonight, Sir Elton John)

Well no one saved my lousy life last night,
I’ll tell ya that!

The good Doc took me off my Ambien.
“It’s a narcotic, you know.”
Narcotics bad.

He prescribed the “Butterfly” medicine.
You know the one.
The pretty little green bug flying into people’s bedroom windows and finding them sound asleep.
The ad wants us to believe it’s because of Lunesta, the other purple pill.

Well I pulled an all-nighter on Lunesta last night.
I can remember when an all-nighter was a good thing!
Last night…not so good.

I want my Ambien back
And that little green butterfly can kiss the very white of my ass!

Insomnia

Definition (Merriam-Webster):
Prolonged and abnormal inability to obtain adequate sleep

Definition (Chris):
(I) can’t fucking sleep!
(N)o one else in the entire world is up right now.
(S)anity is questionable at this time of day.
(O)ther people can sleep; I hate them!
(M)ike’s asleep in Kentucky…Arghhhh!
(N)ineteen hours until this Hell starts again.
(I)s it too early to start drinking?
(A)mbien, Ambien, Ambien!!!