Gasping for Air

I did it; I went back to the gym last week.


Nothing crazy. 20 minutes of cardio, 30 minutes circuit training, a little bit of free weights followed by another 15 o 20 minutes more cardio. Twice I did this and it felt great.

Truth be told however, I would never have taken such a bold step on my own. When it’s me against procrastination, procrastination always wins.

My secret weapon was the weather. Oh wait, I said I was being truthful; the kids made me do it. After nearly a month of “holiday fun” with them, school finally beckoned them back last Tuesday. By that evening, we were all bracing for the big snowstorm which we were warned would be followed by tundra type conditions on Friday.  Warnings became reality, which resulted in three long snowdays, followed by a weekend with frozen pipes! 

It would not be an understatement to say, “They were driving me nuts”. We also have my mom’s dog Murphy for two months while she sunbathes in Mexico. (Was that snarky? Good.) Having two young dogs in the house is tantamount to toddlers. The walls were closing in.

Yesterday I was a complete slacker; it was way too cold to even consider going out in my book. Even though it wasn’t much warmer today, cabin fever was rearing its ugly head again.

Knowing my propensity to bore easily, I thought I would switch things up a bit and try something new. Jordie and I trekked down to the Matt Ross Community Center, shelled out 7 bucks a piece (teach us not to be members) and headed to the lap pool.

Holy-heart-pumping-crap…. has anyone swam lately? Our goal was 10 laps, a lap being there and back. After one completed lap the rest were clearly in jeopardy. Really, we were sucking air.

Freestyle, breaststroke, backstroke and butterfly. Ok… you caught me; I did not to do the butterfly, but Jordie did. I substituted it with the dead-man’s float. There were some kids playing in the lane over and I relied on them to create a current for me. A lap is a lap folks! For two of our laps we actually sprinted the length of the pool. Again, I was unable to keep up with my 16-year-old daughter; about 3 quarters of the way down the lane, the water was over my head. I would tread water until Jordie made it back to me then we would sprint back. Can you say “inhaler”?

But we did it; 10 lapperoonio’s and we were two, proud, high-fiving fools.

The drive home was pretty much conversation free. We were both too busy gasping for air!

Time for a Weather Report

It’s cold out there folks. Bone crushing cold. The kind of cold which will wrench the spirit out of a young man, or forge it into steel.



Quote: courtesy of the show Northern Exposure, Lost and Found, 1992

It is currently 4 degrees in Kansas City. We are expected to wake up tomorrow morning to 8 degrees below zero. 30 below if you factor in wind chill.


I’m not leaving the house until next Tuesday when the heat-wave hits; we're expecting 38 glorious degrees!


In the meantime, I just ordered me some cozy, warm shearling slippers from Cabela’s. Yes we have a store nearby, but that would entail going outside; I prefer to wait inside for the mailman instead. If anyone is looking for me, my arse will be planted right next to the hot fire.


Stay warm, stay safe and for God’s sake… stay inside!

Where's the Beef?

Is it me, or is something amiss here at the grocery store?

Two stuffed mushrooms, neither larger than a fifty cent piece, in a ridiculously large package that will no doubt spend the next fifty-plus years in a landfill. Shouldn’t there be a ribeye or a slab of prime rib accompanying these pitiful little fungi? And to add insult to injury, they were behind the butcher’s glass; someone would actually have to take the time to flag someone down to retrieve them for you.

Two scrawny little mushrooms. Really?

God Speed Tony

Kansas City to Chicago. Chicago to Frankfurt.  Frankfurt to Qatar.  And finally, Qatar to Kabul, Afghanistan; the ass print of the world.



Try as we might, our family could not stop time. Tony, Mike’s brother, left at dawn this morning for Afghanistan, where he will spend the next three hundred and thirty five days. Tony goes as a civilian this time; he spent a year in Iraq as a Lt. Colonel for the U.S. Army just a few short years ago. Suffice it to say we were thrilled when he returned safe and sound, and even more so when he retired from the army and took a civilian job with a defense contractor. “Safe at last”, we thought.


Now he and two of his buddies have been given an opportunity to put their unique and highly sophisticated technical skills to excellent use, which will no doubt contribute greatly to the safety of all military personnel in the region.


But a year is a long time. Especially when:


You have two teenage sons back home, one just learning to drive, and the other new to navigating those tricky 2 lane county blacktop roads.


Your wife is left to manage the household, this particular one on 20-plus acres.


You have aging parents and stepparents facing health issues.


You yourself no longer walk in a young man’s body; Tony turned fifty years old last fall and the creature comforts of home traded in for a cot in a tent will surely be missed.


And the list goes on.


But as we turned out the lights last night and went to bed, Mikey’s words hit me the hardest. “God damnit… I’m really going to miss my brother.”


And there was nothing I could say to ease his pain and worry.


God speed Tony; stay safe and come back to us soon.  We love you.

Wayward Christmas Gifts

So you know “that” gift you rediscover every year under the Christmas tree when you go to take it down? You know the one; you opened it up, rotated the box a few times and searching for words, you said something along the lines of “Ahhhhhhh… I saw these on TV. Very cool, thank you”!

Later, when you are tidying up the morning mess left in the wake of opening gifts, you pick it back up and neatly place it under the tree, not really knowing what to do with it but certain it’s way too soon for Goodwill. So there it stays until the day you finally take all your holiday décor down as you kiss one more year goodbye.


Now however, you are forced to face the gift.


This was mine: the “Gourmet Chia Herb Garden”.


Not quite on par with last year’s As Seen On TV phenomena “ The Snuggle”, but way, way better than a package of Sham-wow’s whose ASOTV promoter wound up in the hospital this year after a hooker bit his ear off. (Apparently, there is a no kissing rule he was unaware of; hope he’s not a cuddler… ouch!)


But I digress.


When I rediscovered my “gift” today, I gave it a better look. “Why not?” I thought. The kids got Uncle Lazy Bum a Homer Simpson Chia head one Christmas and he had to give it haircuts regularly! And since I failed to bring my herbs indoors last fall, this just may be my solution for a long winter ahead with no fresh grown herbs.


So plant I did.  But I am holding off sending that Thank You note until after the harvest!
Let's hope I’m more successful than I was with TC’s sunflower garden!


 I’ll keep you (com)posted!


Update:  Just as I thought... a complete and utter bust!  2-1-10