Time for a Weather Report

It’s cold out there folks. Bone crushing cold. The kind of cold which will wrench the spirit out of a young man, or forge it into steel.



Quote: courtesy of the show Northern Exposure, Lost and Found, 1992

It is currently 4 degrees in Kansas City. We are expected to wake up tomorrow morning to 8 degrees below zero. 30 below if you factor in wind chill.


I’m not leaving the house until next Tuesday when the heat-wave hits; we're expecting 38 glorious degrees!


In the meantime, I just ordered me some cozy, warm shearling slippers from Cabela’s. Yes we have a store nearby, but that would entail going outside; I prefer to wait inside for the mailman instead. If anyone is looking for me, my arse will be planted right next to the hot fire.


Stay warm, stay safe and for God’s sake… stay inside!

Where's the Beef?

Is it me, or is something amiss here at the grocery store?

Two stuffed mushrooms, neither larger than a fifty cent piece, in a ridiculously large package that will no doubt spend the next fifty-plus years in a landfill. Shouldn’t there be a ribeye or a slab of prime rib accompanying these pitiful little fungi? And to add insult to injury, they were behind the butcher’s glass; someone would actually have to take the time to flag someone down to retrieve them for you.

Two scrawny little mushrooms. Really?

God Speed Tony

Kansas City to Chicago. Chicago to Frankfurt.  Frankfurt to Qatar.  And finally, Qatar to Kabul, Afghanistan; the ass print of the world.



Try as we might, our family could not stop time. Tony, Mike’s brother, left at dawn this morning for Afghanistan, where he will spend the next three hundred and thirty five days. Tony goes as a civilian this time; he spent a year in Iraq as a Lt. Colonel for the U.S. Army just a few short years ago. Suffice it to say we were thrilled when he returned safe and sound, and even more so when he retired from the army and took a civilian job with a defense contractor. “Safe at last”, we thought.


Now he and two of his buddies have been given an opportunity to put their unique and highly sophisticated technical skills to excellent use, which will no doubt contribute greatly to the safety of all military personnel in the region.


But a year is a long time. Especially when:


You have two teenage sons back home, one just learning to drive, and the other new to navigating those tricky 2 lane county blacktop roads.


Your wife is left to manage the household, this particular one on 20-plus acres.


You have aging parents and stepparents facing health issues.


You yourself no longer walk in a young man’s body; Tony turned fifty years old last fall and the creature comforts of home traded in for a cot in a tent will surely be missed.


And the list goes on.


But as we turned out the lights last night and went to bed, Mikey’s words hit me the hardest. “God damnit… I’m really going to miss my brother.”


And there was nothing I could say to ease his pain and worry.


God speed Tony; stay safe and come back to us soon.  We love you.

Wayward Christmas Gifts

So you know “that” gift you rediscover every year under the Christmas tree when you go to take it down? You know the one; you opened it up, rotated the box a few times and searching for words, you said something along the lines of “Ahhhhhhh… I saw these on TV. Very cool, thank you”!

Later, when you are tidying up the morning mess left in the wake of opening gifts, you pick it back up and neatly place it under the tree, not really knowing what to do with it but certain it’s way too soon for Goodwill. So there it stays until the day you finally take all your holiday décor down as you kiss one more year goodbye.


Now however, you are forced to face the gift.


This was mine: the “Gourmet Chia Herb Garden”.


Not quite on par with last year’s As Seen On TV phenomena “ The Snuggle”, but way, way better than a package of Sham-wow’s whose ASOTV promoter wound up in the hospital this year after a hooker bit his ear off. (Apparently, there is a no kissing rule he was unaware of; hope he’s not a cuddler… ouch!)


But I digress.


When I rediscovered my “gift” today, I gave it a better look. “Why not?” I thought. The kids got Uncle Lazy Bum a Homer Simpson Chia head one Christmas and he had to give it haircuts regularly! And since I failed to bring my herbs indoors last fall, this just may be my solution for a long winter ahead with no fresh grown herbs.


So plant I did.  But I am holding off sending that Thank You note until after the harvest!
Let's hope I’m more successful than I was with TC’s sunflower garden!


 I’ll keep you (com)posted!


Update:  Just as I thought... a complete and utter bust!  2-1-10

10 Good Reasons to Accept Weight Watchers Free Registration Offer:

1. To end the vicious cycle of either sipping on a cocktail or chewing on a Tums.



2. To save $19.99 on Spanx every time I have to maneuver into my one pair of black slacks that still fit me. The reason for buying them repeatedly is that I keep a pair of scissors in my car to cut them right down the belly-seam as soon as the party is over.


3. So I have one less hour of free time on my hands in which to eat and drink with reckless abandon.


4. To put hope back into my doctor’s eyes, who after my last blood work and physical lost all his humor and most of his personality.


5. To replace “Girls Night Out of Debauchery” with a more respectable social function, even if we do have to call it “Fat Chicks go to Weight Watchers”. (And no ladies; we cannot go to Ihop afterwards!)


6. To reduce the noise pollution in my house, i.e. grunting, while dragging my sorry, ample ass up our stairs.


7. To steady my heart, particularly when viewing the holiday photo’s and pondering, “who the fat chick is” before recognizing my own sweater.


8. To be able to get out of bed in the morning without having to walk for the first 3 minutes on my tiptoes while whispering “ow-ow, ow-ow, owwwww”!


9. To lose enough weight so that I can go back to the gym without fear of 9-1-1 being summonsed after just 10 minutes on a cardio machine.


10. Because it is a New Year, a New Decade and God willing… a new me!


 
Have a happy and healthy New Year everyone; I hope each of you realize your dreams and reach your goals in 2010 and beyond.