Ashley Stinky Pants

That’s always been our affectionate name for my niece Ashley.
I don’t think she’s too crazy about it but she tolerates it well.
I think it’s clear to her it’s not going away anytime soon.

“Princess Ashley” is another favorite tag we label her with.
TC insists Ashley’s obvious royal bloodlines come from me.
When Ashley was in her womb, TC knew that this baby girl was different.
Her cravings tended toward finer foods and the pregnancy in general was more high maintenance than her first.
TC named her Ashley Christine and the poor darlin is compared to me often!

Mike and I brought her on vacation with us last summer.
You can imagine our reaction when Ashley announced on the first night,
“I like to be woke up with donuts and smiles in the morning”!
We still roar about that.

But the truth is, Ashley is the kind of kid who puts a smile on your face in the morning.
She’s bright and funny and has a genuine sweetness about her.
She’s also fiercely loyal and stands up for what she believes in.
She’s Senior Class President, a member of National Honor Society and this year's Editor of her school yearbook.

Yesterday I took Ashley to her senior picture “photo-shoot”.
The photographer was so excited when she laid eyes on Ash.
“Yay, a pretty one” she gushed!
What is typically a 2 hour shoot resulting in about 200 pictures turned into a 5 hour, 3 location shoot netting us over 400 pics.

I told Ashley it’s because she’s so stinkin ugly the photographer had to keep shooting until she finally got one she could use!
She just smiled that killer smile at me as her eyes shone like big blue diamonds.
“Thanks for coming with me today Aunt Chrissy” she told me.

No Stinky Pants…thank you for having me.

Cantik Remembered

Tomorrow would have been Dini’s 38th birthday.

“Cantik” is an Indonesian word meaning “Beautiful One”.
Dini was so beautiful.

She was also one of the kindest people I’ve ever known.
Dini never met a stranger, only a new friend.
I hope she’s with friends tonight.

Dini loved to laugh and I’d get such a kick out of hearing her.
She was so tiny, yet she could laugh so big.
I hope she’s laughing tonight.

Dini loved music and cuttin up the dance floor.
She could entice even the non-dancers to “bust a move”.
I hope she’s dancing tonight.

Dini was a connoisseur of fine food.
And she was a terrific cook.
I hope she’s chowing down tonight.

Dini was our Karaoke Queen.
Her angelic voice would leave us speechless.
I hope she’s singing tonight.

Dini’s incredible smile lit up the room.
And it lives on; on the faces of her beautiful boys.
I hope she’s smiling tonight.

Dini has left behind a huge void in our lives.
We love her and we miss her every day.
I hope she knows that…
Tonight.

iStupid

That’s how I feel about my new little iPod Nano.

I was so excited to finally get one of my own.
Jordan was quickly tiring of me sneaking hers out of her backpack in the mornings so I could take it to the iGym with me.
And I’ve got to say, I was really sick of her choice of iTunes!
(Although “1985” by Bowling For Soup is a catchy little song!)
Admittedly though, I’ve been somewhat “iChallenged” by my new red toy.

Finally, after a week of iScrewing around, I’ve got my tunes On and her crap Off.
But there are some definite iQuirks with the thing (or perhaps me).
Yesterday for instance I was on an elliptical trainer at the gym.
I was rocking out to some Don Henley when all of a sudden “Grillz” by Ali & Big Grip assaulted my ears.
iGrip THIS Ali!
Then get the hell off my iPod.

Another phenomenon I’ve noticed…
iSnobs.

These are the people (Mike and Jordan) who think they are superior to you because of their tastes in music compared to yours.
I am ridiculed in my own home for my iChoices.
I have plenty of good old Rock and Roll loaded but God forbid I have a Neil Diamond song on there!
And yes, I’ll come clean… I’ve got an il Divo number as well.
It’s Ave Maria in fact and it’s incredible.

I was in Best Buy the other Day.
Holy iCrap!
What “don’t” they sell for your iPod?
I was simply looking for a more comfortable set of earphones for my tiny little iEars.
I left the store an hour later totally overwhelmed and my giftcard still in my iPocket.
“You’ll figure it all out soon”, they told me as I left.

iHope!

I Can See Clearly Now

The rain is gone.
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)Sun-Shiny day.(I Can See Clearly Now. Johnny Nash, 1972)


I’ve not been seeing too clearly lately.
In fact, I’ve barely been seeing anything at all.
I’ve been too scared to look.
Too scared to write.
And definitely too scared to let go.

I tried hard to hang on to 2006.
It felt like I was holding my breath just willing time to stand still.
I was paralyzed by the fear of what lie ahead in the New Year.

Then finally today, I exhaled.
A long, solid, soul-cleansing exhale.
I needed to catch my breath.
Time waits for no one.

I had received somewhat anticipated, yet dreadful news today.
My friend Jill was diagnosed with cancer.
She is devastated, petrified and fearing the worst.

“What am I going to do, what’s going to happen to my girls?” she asked me.

I had a sudden flashback to October 2003, when TC was first diagnosed with breast cancer.
For a split second, I thought of all the things we would do differently.
Then just as quickly, I was overwhelmed by the thought of everything she, TC, had done right.
With that, I answered Jill.

“You will fight”, I told her.
“And you will live your life with vigor.
To your young girls, you will give the gift of independence.
Your husband will be given the opportunity to rise to the occasion and be the man he was always meant to be.
Because of you, they will learn compassion.
From you, they will learn courage.
And together…you will be strong, and you will win.”

Jill is numb today.
But I can see clearly now.
TC doesn’t want me to hold my breath anymore.
By doing so, I am disrespecting the very thing she wants for me most…
To “live my life with vigor”.

I love to write in my blog.
I love it when someone sends me a note and tells me I touched them or inspired them or that I made them laugh.

I was sad when the words stopped coming.
And I am grateful that they are back.
Jill gave them to me.

The song doesn’t say that the obstacles are gone.
Instead, it acknowledges and confronts them.
Most all of us will face obstacles this year.
If given the chance, don’t be blinded by them.
Confront them, face them, fight them if you must.
But above all else…
Hang on.

Hang on and wait for the bright, sun-shiny days to return.
I’ve got to believe that someday, they will return.
TC would want me to.

I'm Tawkin to You...Punk

The article below was written for the Kansas City Star.
The author is Nick’s Rec league basketball coach, Jeff Forker.


ON YOUTH SPORTS COACHES

AS I SEE IT: Young athletes need teaching, not egoistic tyrants
By JEFF FORKER

This is to all you youth coaches out there, of every sport. Some of you are punks. That’s right. You heard me. You are. You know it.

Some of you spend your time at practices and games bullying and intimidating boys and girls to get them to win games for your unfulfilled sports fantasies. Your mantras are “Win at all costs” and “Do whatever it takes.”

Let me clue you in on something. It is not your job to win games. It is your responsibility to develop young talent. And that means the talent of all the kids on your teams. If you focus only on the kids with obvious talent then you are failing in that task, and you are cheating whatever sport you coach out of untold amounts of talent.

Many youth coaches say they want to coach and teach boys. What most do is focus on the stars and studs, those worthy of their coaching and attentions. But, sometimes you need to dig deeper than the surface to find gold. Ask any jeweler and he or she will tell you that some rocks take more cutting and polishing to bring out the gem.

You’re not in the NFL or the NCAA. It is not even high school. Do not coach your grade schoolers like they are high school players. A very small number will ever even have a shot at the NFL or NBA. But, there is much more at stake than that.

Sports can teach kids crucial life lessons and values and help to make them healthy and productive citizens. “Do whatever it takes” is not one of those values. One bad season with a clueless coach can affect a child for his or her entire life. Most of us who played sports as kids have such memories.
Many of you have learned to talk the talk. But most of you don’t walk the walk. Your actions betray you. Matter of fact, try to leave your ego out of it. This is not about you. It is about the kids. Your mantras should be “It is about the kids” and “What is best for the kids?”

Do not misunderstand me. I know the value and necessity of training hard and playing to win. I do not conduct “touchy-feely” practices.

What I do understand is that it takes a few seasons for most kids to learn even the core skills of their sports and that kids develop and learn at different rates and in different ways. Your job as coach is to figure that out for each of your players. They are not there for you. You are there for them.

So, please, do not betray your sport. Try to leave your ego out of it. Coach each and every boy and girl as if they are your own. Because, while they are on your team, they are. And coach your kids based on expectations appropriate to their ages and abilities.

Also, last I knew the NFL and NBA still had coaches and practices. So, maybe the coaching and learning never ends.

(Jeff Forker is a parent and coach. He lives in Overland Park.)


Nick is 10 years old.
He’s already burned out on the game of baseball because of his last coach.
We’ll be lucky if he ever suits up for America's past time again.

Coach Jeff is one of the good guys.
We’re lucky to have him on our team.
And as an added bonus…
He tells good jokes, teaches us French and gives out stock tips!

As my friend Dini used to say, “What a deal!”