A Beautiful Ending to a Crazy Year

Mike and I hosted an “Open Bar” last night.
Sounds funny, I know.
But since we’re in Kansas City visiting family and friends,
We don’t have access to our own home, so we hosted our party at “The Blue Moose”, a Bar and Grill.
A “Come when you can, Go when you have to” sort of an affair.
We’re all so busy this time of year, commitments overwhelm us and this seemed the perfect solution.

I can’t tell you what a blast we had!
20 or more of our old friends and neighbors showed up,
We laughed, shared old stories and heard new; we just genuinely enjoyed ourselves.
(The abundance of cocktails flowing may have helped some I’m sure.)

But mostly what I realized last night is exactly what is important in life…
Friends.
Quality friends.

So Diane, Doug, Brent and Dini, Mr. Kurtz, Red and Karen, Robin, Shane, Craig Wright, Johnny, Mary and Don, Beth and Dave, Grant, Ludwell, Marti & Barry (we know you tried!), Thank You!
You are the kind of people who make Mike and I want to be better people ourselves!

Have a Beautiful (with just a bit of crazy in it) 2006!
We love you all.

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas…

It’s Christmas Eve!
I love today even more so than Christmas day.
Traditions officially begin today,
We all have our routines.
We get dressed up,
The kids are giddy and good.
We eat things like Minced Clams,
And drink fancy Cocktails.
Friends (and even foes) hug and kiss
And all is right with the world.

Even if it’s just for a couple of days…
We’ll take it.
After all…
Christmas IS the most magical time of the year!

Merry Christmas, I’ll see you all next year!

Chris
12/24/05

The Fat Man’s coming, and He’s Bringing Annoyland.

3 more days and the excitement around here is reaching a fever pitch!
The Darlings are on their best behavior.
I can actually get them to clean their rooms or pick up their clothes in just one request!
Come the day after Christmas, it will no doubt take the obligatory 3 or 4 tries before I turn to threats of bodily harm.

Today I put my Christmas check list together:

Equal presents under the tree for the kids. Check.
Approximately same amount of money spent on each. Check.
Cookies and milk for Santa, Carrots for Rudolph. Check.
Camcorder dusted off from last Christmas and charged. Check.
Batteries for cheap-ass toys that don’t include them. Check.
Arsenal of pliers, screw-drivers and heavy duty scissors for extracting toys from ever more impenetrable packaging laid out. Check.
Notice given to the local landfill of my ludicrous donation next week. Check.

According to the federal government who tracks how many people end up in emergency rooms after battling packages containing things like wire nooses twisted around dolls’ necks… 220,188 in 2004.

Holy Crap! I’ve been frustrated but never injured.
Next year…Gift cards for everyone.
Just to stay on the “Safe” side!

Insomnia

Definition (Merriam-Webster):
Prolonged and abnormal inability to obtain adequate sleep

Definition (Chris):
(I) can’t fucking sleep!
(N)o one else in the entire world is up right now.
(S)anity is questionable at this time of day.
(O)ther people can sleep; I hate them!
(M)ike’s asleep in Kentucky…Arghhhh!
(N)ineteen hours until this Hell starts again.
(I)s it too early to start drinking?
(A)mbien, Ambien, Ambien!!!

Thermo-Stupid

Who was the brainiac that invented the new thermostats?
I’d like to kick him all the way to the North Pole.
Let him get a good dose of “Friggin Freezin” in his bedroom.

Not all of us are Rocket Scientists.
Most of us can’t program our own cell phones.
Is Heat, Cool, On and Off too much to ask for our new fancy-ass programmable thermo-stupid to offer???
Did dials go out with pastels?

God forgbid you stay home on a Tuesday, it's 58 degrees inside until Oprah comes on at 4.

Program THIS Mister Honeywell!!!
I hope you have a warm and cozy evening,
I’m not!

"Re, Re, Re, Re"

spect...just a little bit. (Aretha Franklin)

One week left until Christmas.
The craziness is ramping up.
I know…
I’ve been talking to you on the phone.

One friend sounded frazzled,
Another down right pissed!
One had not even started her shopping yet,
Another can’t get over the sale she missed.

STOP IT.
STOP THE INSANITY.
Breathe.

Most of us want the same thing this Christmas.
A small, meaningful gift to and from the one we love,
And to secure that one favorite toy at the top of the kids list.
Add a few more goodies, that’s all they need.
And time.

Time spent with family and friends.
Not dressed to the nine’s so we’re sucking in our gut.
But comfy clothes, the kind that a belly-laugh won’t alter.

A positive spirit and respect; what a wonderful gift
to yourself and others.
Give it and you will receive it.

Relax, Replenish, Rejoice and Remember...
The real reason for the Season!!!

Tina the Tiny Little Turtle

Before we left Texas,
Nick got a box turtle for a pet.
He named her, (in Nick lingo)
“Tina the tiny widdle tordle”.

Tina has a good life,
Like most pets she gets toys and treats.
Gammie bought her a life like “toy” turtle recently.
(Think Blow-up Doll)
It’s just about the same size as Tina.

As you can see…
Tina likes her new playmate.
Now I just have to figure out how to tell Nicky that Tina…
Might actually be a Tony.

Vacuuming Sucks…Literally

My family thinks I’m anal.
OCD is another term they like to throw around.
This morning…I played right into their accusations!

It was 4a.m. and I couldn’t sleep.
(Did I mention I’m an insomniac as well?!?)
So I started cleaning the house.
Really cleaning the house.

One might even suggest I got carried away.
I’m a vacuum freak; I’ll vacuum anything or anyone.
Today…the top of the gas range seemed like a good idea.

Warning to all other vacuum freaks.
DO NOT VACCUM THE GAS STOVE.
REPEAT…
DO NOT VACCUM THE GAS STOVE.

Funny thing about fire and how fast it travels.
Apparently the force of the vacuum sucked the pilot light right into the end of my hose.
It was quite a light show…trust me on this one!

So now the Oreck sits in the middle of my kitchen as I down my 4th cup of Joe. Something tells me it’s not going anywhere and I’m going to have a long day.

Indy-annoying

As hard as I try to like it here,
This place just begs to be made fun of.

Today’s case in point…
I saw not one, but two motorcycle cops.
Now that alone would be funny,
It was after all only 22 degrees here today.
But add to these cycles a sidecar,
And I split a gut!

When was the last time you actually saw a sidecar?
For me, it had to be in a Monty Python movie.
In fact, I think it was a cops and robber scene!

But in defense of the rest of India-no-place …
There was no passenger Cop riding in it.
Must have been a slow crime day.

Vroom, vroom!

Good St. Nick

Nicholas continues to blow my mind.

Yesterday, we as a family attended a very difficult funeral service for our friend and neighbor.
When the Pastor asked for volunteers to come forward and share their thoughts and memories about Dave, there was an uncomfortable delay.

Suddenly, Nick’s arm shot up.
I panicked, and Mike swatted his arm down.
What could he possibly have to say that would comfort the family?
He pleaded with us to let him go up.
Again, we thought better of it and denied him.

Later on the long ride home, I asked him.
“What were you going to say up there Nicholas?”
He told us that he was going to say that he didn’t know “Mr. Dave” all that well yet. But he knew that he loved his kids more than anything in the world.
And their dog Mocha.

Maybe we should have let him.

Solar Powered Jaw

Occasionally, I can be very chatty before daybreak.
Today was such an occasion.

The kids were up early checking the news hoping for a snow day.
Mike already knew there would be a two hour delay and hollered for them to go back to bed.

In my mind…Game On.

I started chattin Mike up about the day ahead.
“Hey, I’ve got an idea” I told him.

No response.

“Let’s try that new Thai place for lunch today.”

No response.

“Mike, are you asleep?”

Finally…a response.
Just not the one I was looking for.

“Chrissy”, he said.
“Pretend your jaw is solar powered.
No daylight, no talking.”

So now …I’m vewy, vewy quiet;
I’m hunting Mikey!!!

Sweet Memories

Is there anything better than holiday baking?
Ok…yes, plenty!
I don’t know about your culinary prowess, but mine is lacking.
I’ve never had a Gingerbread Man come out that doesn’t end up looking obscene.
In fact…one year I made them obscene on purpose as a defense against accusations. (You know who you are!!!)

Ahhh yes, the good ol’ days.
That was sans “boat anchors”, Mike’s new endearing term for our children.
A bottle of wine, some food coloring, a few sprinkles…
Oh the possibilities!
(And obviously probabilities; we do have those kids now!)

But now we make new memories.
Gingerbread houses to go with the "proper" little men.
Pretzels dipped in chocolate and rolled in nuts.
You can’t imagine the mess!
Or hopefully you can…
Because you and yours are making your own Sweet Memories this holiday season!

Cheers!

Young, Broken Hearts

I can think of younger days when living for my life
Was everything a man could want to do.
I could never see tomorrow, but I was never told about the sorrow.
And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again. (Bee Gee’s)


Jordan’s heart is broken.
I wish healing it was as easy as listening to a Bee Gee’s tune.
How do we adults explain death, especially a tragic death, to a child?
We can’t.
We just hold them, rock them, love them.
And sometimes…we sing to them an old song that helped us through our own pain of loss, many years ago.

A Very Dark Day

What makes someone take their own life?
Hopefully, most of us will never have to think too deeply about that.
But today…my family does.

The man across the street took his life this morning.
There are all sorts of gruesome and gossipy details I could share.
But none of those matter.
David Voght is dead.

Left behind are three beautiful children and his wife Anne.
Aubrey, Jordie’s best friend, is in 6th grade, Alex an 8th grader looks just like his Dad, and little Emily…a first grader is full of spirit, smiles and hugs.
I’d watch Dave walk Emily to the bus each morning, showering her with kisses before she’d board.
How could someone knowingly leave that behind?

We went to St. Francis-Clare Catholic Church and lit candles for them.
We prayed that God welcome Dave into his Heavenly Kingdom and forgive all his sins.
We prayed that he reach down and offer the family comfort and healing.
And we cried.

Hug your kids tonight, call your folks.
And if you are feeling lonely and hopeless…
Please, reach out to someone.
You are not alone.

Chris
12/07/05

Do You or Don’t You???

There are two kinds of women in the world.
Those who wear Holiday Sweaters…
And those who don’t!

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with either one.
I’m just pointing out we’re different.

Let’s play a game.
I’ll start a sentence…you finish it.
I’ll give you an example first:

Women who wear Holiday Sweaters…have lot’s of "In-Home (Direct Sales) Parties".
Women who don’t…cringe when they get those invites in the mail!

You’re turn now.
Email me your response at Chris@ChrissyCan.Com
I’ll post them if you play!!!

And for bonus points…Let’s see how well you know me. Tell me if you think I’m a Sweater Gal or not!

Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is…Part 2

I was chatting with my buddy Jeff in Dallas earlier today.
Reminiscing about the vacation our families took together last summer to Texas Hill Country, and looking forward to next June when we’ll meet there again.

We were also commenting on what a lazy day we were both having and our thoughts turned to cocktails.
I told him it was only 12:30 here and that Bailey’s would be the logical choice.
“Well it’s 12:30 here so I’m having a beer” Jeff said.
“No, it’s 12:30 here…Eastern Time”, I insisted.
Suddenly, I didn’t remember changing my watch after figuring out the whole time change debacle last month.
That must be it, my bad; it was actually 1:30 here in Indy.

A couple of hours later, I asked Jordie to run the Netflix movie out to the mailbox.
“It’s 3:30 though” I told her, glancing at my watch. “We may have missed the mailman”.
“No Mom…it’s only 2:30” she said.

Holy Crap...Not this again!!! (Click here for Original Rant)
I set my watch back to 2:30 and poured myself a drink.
And it wasn't Bailey's!

Addendum: Jeff called me last night, (12/13)..Apparently he knew it was only 11:30 in Dallas and was screwing with me. Asshole!!! cb

Focus, Finish, Follow-through

Mike has been trying to teach me that lesson for years.

Often times though, my pathetic excuse of an attention span serves me well.
I have avoided many “near misses” involving brilliant ideas I never acted upon.
The Emu Farm with my friend Robin back in the 80’s comes to mind.
(Although I still think we could have made a go of it, back me up here Robin!)

I was going to move to California with Suzie (Homemaker) back then too.
But that whole waiting on the house to get sold business was a real turn off.
It would have taken months…no patience for that!

Which brings me to this year’s Christmas card.
I had grandiose ideas.
Not far from our house is an open field.
Parked in the middle of it are two circa 1940’s Ford pickup trucks.
Vines and wild flowers were growing out of the slightly open hoods.
It was classic and (I thought) very “Indiana”.

Procrastination gives my (lack of) attention span a run for its money.
By the time we finally went to snap the photo…lo and behold,
Farmer John had cut the field and pulled the vines right out of the engine blocks!

Totally devastated (for about an hour), I moved on.
I found this “beaut” in the “My Pics” file, thought it kind of cute, downloaded it and sent it off to the photo shop, never having seen it in print.

Jordie was the first one to see this year’s Christmas card.
“Mom…these suck, you can’t send them out” she pleaded.
I took a gander and yes they do suck.
And for a very slight moment, I even considered chucking them and starting over.
But guess what?
They’re done, paid for and I’m over it.
Another shining example of my attention span serving me (and my wallet) well!

Next year I’ll do better.
Maybe the weeds will have grown back by then.
Or better yet…maybe we’ll be living in Hawaii.
Now that would be a great… Eh, forget it...I’m over that too!