Today, I lay in bed next to TC and watched…
As she told our mother that she’s tired.
Too tired to go on fighting she said.
Too tired to go on anymore.
We are devastated.
We cried… Mom, TC and me.
Jordie cried too as she ran out of the room.
I worry so much about Jordan.
So young, so much pain this year.
First Dave, then Dini, now TC.
Too much pain to ask anyone to bare, much less a kid.
How will she say goodbye?
Nicholas.
You think little boys may not really get it.
They do.
Nick has been very clingy since Dini died.
He hugs me a lot and pats me.
He’s trying to be a man and comfort his Mom.
But he’s just a little boy who loves his aunt.
And he hurts.
How will he say goodbye?
Toby.
She’s coming tomorrow.
I’m so afraid for her.
She’s not seen TC since May.
I think this may be her last time.
She can’t possibly be prepared.
Who can ever be prepared?
How will she say goodbye?
My Dad.
So far away.
My heart breaks for him every day.
He feels so helpless, so alone.
Will he be here in time?
How will he say goodbye?
Mom.
Oh my God…Mom.
Of all the pain, this is my worst.
I’m so afraid that she won’t want to go on.
But I need her.
We all need her.
How will she ever, say goodbye?
Mike.
My rock and our glue.
He holds us all together.
He loves TC too.
He will be with me.
Holding my hand.
Wiping my tears.
Giving me strength...
When I say goodbye.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Homeward Bound
Toby’s coming home on Saturday.
Funny, I seriously doubt that she considers Kansas home anymore.
If my memory serves me correctly, she left the Land of Oz in 1974!
No Toto, no Ruby Red Slippers…
Just a one-way ticket out of here!
She’s coming back to see TC.
(And me!)
The last time we were all together was in Ireland this past May.
I doubt we can show Toby as good a time here as she did us over there.
But we’ll try!
Her only request…
Temperatures no higher than 80 degrees!
Yeah right Toby…
I’ll get to work on that!
Funny, I seriously doubt that she considers Kansas home anymore.
If my memory serves me correctly, she left the Land of Oz in 1974!
No Toto, no Ruby Red Slippers…
Just a one-way ticket out of here!
She’s coming back to see TC.
(And me!)
The last time we were all together was in Ireland this past May.
I doubt we can show Toby as good a time here as she did us over there.
But we’ll try!
Her only request…
Temperatures no higher than 80 degrees!
Yeah right Toby…
I’ll get to work on that!
Monday, July 24, 2006
God's Will
“Life’s not fair…”
We all know that.
Hell, my kids know that.
“God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.”
Yep…we’ve all heard that one too.
And its catchy little reply…
“I just wish he didn’t have so much confidence in me!”
Har, har, har!
“Life goes on.”
Now surely it must have been a rocket scientist who coined that phrase.
Duh!
“It’s God’s will.”
Whoaaaaa!
Hold the phone!
Katy bar the door!
Dini died Monday.
TC was admitted to KU Med on Wednesday.
My dog Ziggy of 14 years should really be put down, she has advanced hip dysplasia.
But I can’t do it… not now.
God’s Will?
Do me a favor.
Don’t mention that one to me this week.
Not yet.
Maybe never.
We all know that.
Hell, my kids know that.
“God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.”
Yep…we’ve all heard that one too.
And its catchy little reply…
“I just wish he didn’t have so much confidence in me!”
Har, har, har!
“Life goes on.”
Now surely it must have been a rocket scientist who coined that phrase.
Duh!
“It’s God’s will.”
Whoaaaaa!
Hold the phone!
Katy bar the door!
Dini died Monday.
TC was admitted to KU Med on Wednesday.
My dog Ziggy of 14 years should really be put down, she has advanced hip dysplasia.
But I can’t do it… not now.
God’s Will?
Do me a favor.
Don’t mention that one to me this week.
Not yet.
Maybe never.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Memorial Service for Dini
Tonight, we celebrate Dini’s life and thank her for all the riches she added to ours.
Brent would encourage all who knew Dini to attend and perhaps share with us what Dini meant to you and how she affected your life. He also asks that if anyone wants to bring photos, mementos, etc. to put on display to share with others, please do so. The family will have some there as well.
This celebration will take place this evening, July 19th 2006, at Mount Moriah Funeral Home, (10507 Holmes Road, Kansas City, Mo.) from 6:00PM until 8:00PM, and is much less formal than Monday’s services giving everyone the opportunity to visit and share memories.
As he did on Monday, Brent will again welcome friends into his home after tonight’s memorial. Brent’s home is located at 9114 W. 132nd Street, Overland Park, KS.
We have composed a DVD full of beautiful and vibrant photos of Dini that we will be showing tonight. Please note that five of the songs accompanying the photos are Dini herself singing and were recorded at the Hard Rock in Bali. She was our Karaoke Queen and we are blessed that she left us one final gift, her beautiful voice set to songs she loved.
Brent would encourage all who knew Dini to attend and perhaps share with us what Dini meant to you and how she affected your life. He also asks that if anyone wants to bring photos, mementos, etc. to put on display to share with others, please do so. The family will have some there as well.
This celebration will take place this evening, July 19th 2006, at Mount Moriah Funeral Home, (10507 Holmes Road, Kansas City, Mo.) from 6:00PM until 8:00PM, and is much less formal than Monday’s services giving everyone the opportunity to visit and share memories.
As he did on Monday, Brent will again welcome friends into his home after tonight’s memorial. Brent’s home is located at 9114 W. 132nd Street, Overland Park, KS.
We have composed a DVD full of beautiful and vibrant photos of Dini that we will be showing tonight. Please note that five of the songs accompanying the photos are Dini herself singing and were recorded at the Hard Rock in Bali. She was our Karaoke Queen and we are blessed that she left us one final gift, her beautiful voice set to songs she loved.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
One More for the Road
I had to get up and out early this morning.
Jordie had volleyball camp,
I had a long scheduled Doctor’s appointment.
It’s true what they say…
Life goes on.
For some of us… at least for a while,
It will continue on in a fog.
I was driving down State Line Rd when I came upon a Starbucks.
When Dini and I lived in Houston last year,
We were “frequent” visitors (daily in fact), to our local franchise.
Mike called us “Starbucks Junkies”!
He and Brent used to lament over the financial hit they were taking.
(They have no idea!!!)
My truck turned into the parking lot almost as if on auto pilot.
I sauntered up to the counter and ordered a Café Latte, Grande.
When they asked me my name…
I said “Dini”.
So here’s one more for the road, girl!
I believe that heaven is filled with all the things that make us happy.
Including Starbucks!
Jordie had volleyball camp,
I had a long scheduled Doctor’s appointment.
It’s true what they say…
Life goes on.
For some of us… at least for a while,
It will continue on in a fog.
I was driving down State Line Rd when I came upon a Starbucks.
When Dini and I lived in Houston last year,
We were “frequent” visitors (daily in fact), to our local franchise.
Mike called us “Starbucks Junkies”!
He and Brent used to lament over the financial hit they were taking.
(They have no idea!!!)
My truck turned into the parking lot almost as if on auto pilot.
I sauntered up to the counter and ordered a Café Latte, Grande.
When they asked me my name…
I said “Dini”.
So here’s one more for the road, girl!
I believe that heaven is filled with all the things that make us happy.
Including Starbucks!
Monday, July 17, 2006
Dear friends of Dini,
I am both heartbroken and devastated to share with you the news that our beloved Dini has passed away.
Brent, along with Dini’s mom (Uty), was with Dini as she peacefully and quietly slipped away at 4:45AM July 17, 2006. Sadly, she had never been able to return home from the hospital, but they were able to control the pain in her final days.
At the hospital, Dini was surrounded by incredible amounts of love given to her by Brent and the boys, Uty, Brent’s devoted family who loved Dini as one of their own, and countless friends who kept a vigil by her side.
Brent is looking forward to, in the coming days, writing to you in his own words how grateful he is for the countless letters and emails to Dini in her final days.Many of you also took the time to write to Ryan and Nathan, these letters are particularly touching and we look forward to receiving more.
As far as services for Dini, she will be laid to rest in a traditional Muslim ceremony, followed a few days later with a memorial service/visitation. Details are not yet confirmed; as soon as I do have that information I will again send out an email as well as post it to the blog, www.WeLoveDini.com
Again, it is with a very heavy heart that I share this news with you. I do rejoice however, that Dini is no longer in pain or is suffering.
Chris Baker
Chris@ChrissyCan.com
I am both heartbroken and devastated to share with you the news that our beloved Dini has passed away.
Brent, along with Dini’s mom (Uty), was with Dini as she peacefully and quietly slipped away at 4:45AM July 17, 2006. Sadly, she had never been able to return home from the hospital, but they were able to control the pain in her final days.
At the hospital, Dini was surrounded by incredible amounts of love given to her by Brent and the boys, Uty, Brent’s devoted family who loved Dini as one of their own, and countless friends who kept a vigil by her side.
Brent is looking forward to, in the coming days, writing to you in his own words how grateful he is for the countless letters and emails to Dini in her final days.Many of you also took the time to write to Ryan and Nathan, these letters are particularly touching and we look forward to receiving more.
As far as services for Dini, she will be laid to rest in a traditional Muslim ceremony, followed a few days later with a memorial service/visitation. Details are not yet confirmed; as soon as I do have that information I will again send out an email as well as post it to the blog, www.WeLoveDini.com
Again, it is with a very heavy heart that I share this news with you. I do rejoice however, that Dini is no longer in pain or is suffering.
Chris Baker
Chris@ChrissyCan.com
Thursday, July 13, 2006
We Love Dini
Many of you feel as though you know my friend Dini through my blog,
Some of you have actually met Dini.
I am so glad for that.
I wish all of you could know Dini the way I do.
She is infectious!
Now, in a small way, you can.
We have set up a webpage.
It’s called http://www.welovedini.com/
How it began was I sent out the following email:
This thing has taken on a life of it’s own in 12 (long) hours.
Dear friends of Dini,
My name is Chris Baker. I am a close friend of Dini’s as well as her neighbor here in Overland Park. My husband Mike used to work with Brent at Black & Veatch. Our families spent a year together living in Texas where Mike and Brent were working at the time. Dini and I became very close as we spent a lot of quality time together with our kids.
It is with a very heavy heart that I am writing this letter. This past weekend, it was made clear to us that Dini is losing her battle against this horrendously cruel disease. Dini herself has now been made aware of the situation and is slowly, yet bravely absorbing the enormity of it. Her mother was also told the news recently and even though there is a language barrier between us, it is clear that just like love, pain too is a universal language. Her heart is clearly broken.
Brent has had a very difficult conversation with the boys regarding Dini. Ryan wanted to know when she was going to come home and won’t be sick anymore. Brent knew it was time to tell them the reality of the situation; there are no words that I can write here that would do any justice to that moment they shared. All I can tell those of you who live so far away and have to rely on those of us who are close by is that those boys, Ryan and Nathan are surrounded by love. Dini has so many friends, as does Brent who have literally put portions of their own lives on hold to help tend to Dini. Loving her children has been a collective and joyous privilege.
Brent has been a rock all along. I’m sure he won’t approve of me saying this but the rock is showing signs of fatigue. He will no doubt see Dini and the boys through this, that’s what he does. But he does need us and will continue to do so for quite a long time.
For right now though, there is something Brent has asked that “we” do for Dini and the boys. He has asked that each of us write Dini a letter and share some of your favorite memories of time spent with her. We need some uplifting, silly stories included in these letters. As usual, she does not want to talk or focus on the negative, but only on the positive. Our intent is to read them to Dini as she’s resting in bed. She still loves to smile, and we have an opportunity to put many more smiles on her face with these great stories. We also would like to ask if you could include a letter to Ryan and Nathan telling them about their mother. We will save these, actually we’d like to print them and put them into book format so they always have them to look back on. Ryan made the comment the other day that he doesn’t remember his Mom when she wasn’t sick. These stories will bring those memories back to life for all of them.
If you would address your emails to Brent at BurgerBB@bv.com AND copy them to my email address at Chris@Chrissycan.com I will post them to a website (blog) I set up so that we can all reminisce and enjoy our memories with Dini. That site can now be accessed at http://www.welovedini.blogspot.com/
Please find time to make this a priority. Dini really needs us right now. Thank you so, so much.
Chris Baker
Chris@Chrissycan.com
Some of you have actually met Dini.
I am so glad for that.
I wish all of you could know Dini the way I do.
She is infectious!
Now, in a small way, you can.
We have set up a webpage.
It’s called http://www.welovedini.com/
How it began was I sent out the following email:
This thing has taken on a life of it’s own in 12 (long) hours.
Dear friends of Dini,
My name is Chris Baker. I am a close friend of Dini’s as well as her neighbor here in Overland Park. My husband Mike used to work with Brent at Black & Veatch. Our families spent a year together living in Texas where Mike and Brent were working at the time. Dini and I became very close as we spent a lot of quality time together with our kids.
It is with a very heavy heart that I am writing this letter. This past weekend, it was made clear to us that Dini is losing her battle against this horrendously cruel disease. Dini herself has now been made aware of the situation and is slowly, yet bravely absorbing the enormity of it. Her mother was also told the news recently and even though there is a language barrier between us, it is clear that just like love, pain too is a universal language. Her heart is clearly broken.
Brent has had a very difficult conversation with the boys regarding Dini. Ryan wanted to know when she was going to come home and won’t be sick anymore. Brent knew it was time to tell them the reality of the situation; there are no words that I can write here that would do any justice to that moment they shared. All I can tell those of you who live so far away and have to rely on those of us who are close by is that those boys, Ryan and Nathan are surrounded by love. Dini has so many friends, as does Brent who have literally put portions of their own lives on hold to help tend to Dini. Loving her children has been a collective and joyous privilege.
Brent has been a rock all along. I’m sure he won’t approve of me saying this but the rock is showing signs of fatigue. He will no doubt see Dini and the boys through this, that’s what he does. But he does need us and will continue to do so for quite a long time.
For right now though, there is something Brent has asked that “we” do for Dini and the boys. He has asked that each of us write Dini a letter and share some of your favorite memories of time spent with her. We need some uplifting, silly stories included in these letters. As usual, she does not want to talk or focus on the negative, but only on the positive. Our intent is to read them to Dini as she’s resting in bed. She still loves to smile, and we have an opportunity to put many more smiles on her face with these great stories. We also would like to ask if you could include a letter to Ryan and Nathan telling them about their mother. We will save these, actually we’d like to print them and put them into book format so they always have them to look back on. Ryan made the comment the other day that he doesn’t remember his Mom when she wasn’t sick. These stories will bring those memories back to life for all of them.
If you would address your emails to Brent at BurgerBB@bv.com AND copy them to my email address at Chris@Chrissycan.com I will post them to a website (blog) I set up so that we can all reminisce and enjoy our memories with Dini. That site can now be accessed at http://www.welovedini.blogspot.com/
Please find time to make this a priority. Dini really needs us right now. Thank you so, so much.
Chris Baker
Chris@Chrissycan.com
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
The Sound of Silence
For several days now,
I’ve attempted to blog.
I have opened and subsequently closed countless word docs.
The words just won’t come.
And when they finally do…
I’m scared of what they’ll say.
I am grateful for the silence right now.
It means we are all safe.
We’ve not yet taken that next step.
I am so afraid to break the silence.
I’ve attempted to blog.
I have opened and subsequently closed countless word docs.
The words just won’t come.
And when they finally do…
I’m scared of what they’ll say.
I am grateful for the silence right now.
It means we are all safe.
We’ve not yet taken that next step.
I am so afraid to break the silence.
Friday, July 7, 2006
Bible Study for Dummies Part 2
Well, I must be dumber than I first thought!
It’s like 2 steps forward, one step back with this book.
We started off reading the Book of John.
John is the one who shows us how the Son of God becomes a man in order to bring eternal life to the human race and die as the sacrifice for human sin.
John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
This week’s homework is to find the Biblical meaning of “Faith”,
(Hint…it’s in the Book of Hebrews in the New Testament.)
This is what I found:
Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
It of course is not quite that simple, but this is a Blog, not the Bible.
So here’s my conundrum…
I am feeling very conflicted as I read the Word of God.
Let’s face it,
There’s a lot of “feel good” stuff in there.
I want to believe.
I think I believe, for the most part.
But I don’t think “for the most part” is good enough.
But hard as I try, it’s all I’ve got so far.
And in a word, here’s why.
Dini.
I have a really difficult time visiting Dini in the hospital and “not” walking away really angry.
Angry with God.
Faith?
I’m sure of what I’m hoping for.
And I’m certain of what I do not see…
Dini, free of pain and suffering.
I know that’s not what they mean in Hebrews 11:1
But sometimes anger comes much more easily than Grace.
This is one of those times.
It’s like 2 steps forward, one step back with this book.
We started off reading the Book of John.
John is the one who shows us how the Son of God becomes a man in order to bring eternal life to the human race and die as the sacrifice for human sin.
John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
This week’s homework is to find the Biblical meaning of “Faith”,
(Hint…it’s in the Book of Hebrews in the New Testament.)
This is what I found:
Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
It of course is not quite that simple, but this is a Blog, not the Bible.
So here’s my conundrum…
I am feeling very conflicted as I read the Word of God.
Let’s face it,
There’s a lot of “feel good” stuff in there.
I want to believe.
I think I believe, for the most part.
But I don’t think “for the most part” is good enough.
But hard as I try, it’s all I’ve got so far.
And in a word, here’s why.
Dini.
I have a really difficult time visiting Dini in the hospital and “not” walking away really angry.
Angry with God.
Faith?
I’m sure of what I’m hoping for.
And I’m certain of what I do not see…
Dini, free of pain and suffering.
I know that’s not what they mean in Hebrews 11:1
But sometimes anger comes much more easily than Grace.
This is one of those times.
Monday, July 3, 2006
Are you going to Scarborough Fair
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme.
Remember me to the one who lives there,
She once was a true love of mine.
(Simon and Garfunkel)
One of my true loves is gardening.
Flowers mostly…
And herbs.
I was in a quiet panic until this weekend.
Having only moved back into the house June 1,
We were overwhelmed with how much we had to do before leaving for vacation in just 2 short weeks.
Both the outside and the inside of the house were screaming for our attention.
In my opinion, the inside could wait.
After all, we still have more years than I care to count left on our mortgage!
But the outside was like a race against time.
The temperatures were quickly rising,
And the selection of flowers… diminishing.
I needed to act quickly, and I did.
The front of the house (the neighbors view!) looks great now.
But I ran out of time, and the nurseries ran out of flowers.
Begrudgingly, I accepted the fact that the backyard, the one place we love to hang out the most,
Would be barren this year.
Bummer!
Even more discouraging however,
Was the fact that we missed out on planting our herb garden as well.
This disappointment has a trickle down effect!
Mike and I love to cook.
And without our beloved herb garden,
What’s the point!
It was shaping up to be an aesthetically challenging and bland tasting summer at our house!
Then… a Miracle.
The flower Gods smiled down on me.
At Wal-Mart of all places!
Having cut through the near defunct gardening section of the store for some sunscreen,
I spied with my little eye the sorriest looking hanging baskets of Impatiens in varying colors tucked away in the corner.
They were marked down from their original price of $14.99, to 2 bucks a piece.
I gathered up 20 of them and a box of Miracle Grow!
Then, as if I wasn’t giddy enough…
Peeking out from behind the sorry-ass looking flowers were WHAT???
Could it possibly be???
Yes!
Herbs!!!
Parsley (flat Italian), Sage, Rosemary and Thyme.
And Basil, lots of basil.
Mike and I worked like savages all day yesterday.
I think we took 3 showers each!
But today…we rest.
We sit back, sip wine and enjoy the fruits of our labor.
Our backyard is now bursting with color against a palette of deep green shade trees.
The fresh sent of herbs is in the air.
We are finally home.
Remember me to the one who lives there,
She once was a true love of mine.
(Simon and Garfunkel)
One of my true loves is gardening.
Flowers mostly…
And herbs.
I was in a quiet panic until this weekend.
Having only moved back into the house June 1,
We were overwhelmed with how much we had to do before leaving for vacation in just 2 short weeks.
Both the outside and the inside of the house were screaming for our attention.
In my opinion, the inside could wait.
After all, we still have more years than I care to count left on our mortgage!
But the outside was like a race against time.
The temperatures were quickly rising,
And the selection of flowers… diminishing.
I needed to act quickly, and I did.
The front of the house (the neighbors view!) looks great now.
But I ran out of time, and the nurseries ran out of flowers.
Begrudgingly, I accepted the fact that the backyard, the one place we love to hang out the most,
Would be barren this year.
Bummer!
Even more discouraging however,
Was the fact that we missed out on planting our herb garden as well.
This disappointment has a trickle down effect!
Mike and I love to cook.
And without our beloved herb garden,
What’s the point!
It was shaping up to be an aesthetically challenging and bland tasting summer at our house!
Then… a Miracle.
The flower Gods smiled down on me.
At Wal-Mart of all places!
Having cut through the near defunct gardening section of the store for some sunscreen,
I spied with my little eye the sorriest looking hanging baskets of Impatiens in varying colors tucked away in the corner.
They were marked down from their original price of $14.99, to 2 bucks a piece.
I gathered up 20 of them and a box of Miracle Grow!
Then, as if I wasn’t giddy enough…
Peeking out from behind the sorry-ass looking flowers were WHAT???
Could it possibly be???
Yes!
Herbs!!!
Parsley (flat Italian), Sage, Rosemary and Thyme.
And Basil, lots of basil.
Mike and I worked like savages all day yesterday.
I think we took 3 showers each!
But today…we rest.
We sit back, sip wine and enjoy the fruits of our labor.
Our backyard is now bursting with color against a palette of deep green shade trees.
The fresh sent of herbs is in the air.
We are finally home.
Saturday, July 1, 2006
Blogger’s Block
You’d think after a great vacation,
I’d have something to say.
But I don’t.
I’m stuck.
I got nuthin.
My brain was apparently shut down for too long and is still on holiday.
I’m having trouble startin her back up.
Sorry…check back soon!
I’d have something to say.
But I don’t.
I’m stuck.
I got nuthin.
My brain was apparently shut down for too long and is still on holiday.
I’m having trouble startin her back up.
Sorry…check back soon!
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