Spam… it ain’t just for breakfast anymore.

Santa brought me a new laptop for Christmas.  I’m somewhat suspect that he had me mixed up with someone else this year, because he brought me a tablet as well.  Let’s face it… I wasn’t that good!

Much to Mikey’s Santa’s surprise, I was way more into the tablet than the laptop.  So much so, that I did the bare minimum to get it up and running; the only sense of immediacy coming from Nicholas, who was psyched about getting my leftover Toshiba.

Fast forward to today when I finally got serious about my email accounts.  Realizing I hadn’t checked my spam-trap account since early to mid December, I knew it would be chock-full of junk.  But sift through it I did, just in case there were some real ones in there, which of course there were!

My rough estimate would be in the range of a 300 to 1 ratio; Pure Crap to “Holy Crap… free Brad Paisley tickies for tonight?” Damn the spam-trap!

But whereas when you or I send an email, the “From” field has our name in it.  Not so with the fine folks who flood our spam accounts.  Allow me to share some of the "less creative" aliases with you.

Genie Bra Works, Pennies for Hot Items, Lint Lizard Clean (not to be confused with Lint Lizard B1G1 OR Lint Lizard Features), Credit Card, Top Credit Card, Credit Comparison (aka: I’ll decide!), Insurance helper, Insurance Finder, Health Insurance Helper (those 3 have the makings of a love triangle on Match.com!), Free Credit Report, Get Subsidized Housing, Depression Help, Burial Insurance… honest to Pete, they came in that order… can you say foreshadowing??? Scholarships for Moms, Become a Ultrasound Tech (does that come with a scholarship I wonder?), Asian Dating, Private Jets, Alaska Cruises, Internal Revenue Service (Twice!), Alcohol Rehab, Quit Smoking (if I quit drinking, I would quit smoking… so that’s a wash!), and my personal favorite from this latest batch… drum roll please… Need a Larger Penis?

Of course I have my usual stalkers; they at least use their names (wink wink).  Veda J has a real thing for me. He’s always sending me a JPEG file and asking me to return the favor!  Dane Carlson is FAT with Business Opportunities for me.  Then there’s Devon Davenport, who keeps insisting he can “put me in the lap of luxury”.  Go Devon go, you big hunk of… wait, that’s not even his real name, is it! 

These men will try and court me for a few months before finally moving on to some new trollop; that’s just the way they are, short attention spans.  But women who troll the internet are a completely different animal.  You ignore them and they want you that much more.  Case in point? Anastaysia: a young Russian woman who has a direct - do not pass go, do not collect $200 - route into my recycle bin. But she is relentless in her pursuit.  All she has to do is switch up one little letter in her email address (Anastasia) and she is back in my box. (Ha… she wishes!)  Anastaysia you see, insists I am the answer to her long, lonely, cold winters.  As long as I have a credit card and a webcam…

Let me state for the record, I have never… ever… tasted Spam.  I will go to my grave with that being the case.  But add a "–trap" to the end of it… and Spam becomes a delicacy in my book!