I’m pacing today, getting a big fat nuthin accomplished. Here I am an able-bodied person, yet I’m crippled by angst. My friend Jill is receiving her first round of chemotherapy as I type these empty words. She will get an 8-hour drip of Taxol today, a 30-minute drip of Topotecan tomorrow followed by a 30-minute drip of Avastin on Friday. For those of you “in the know” about these things… and there are far too many of us out there… this is a serious chemo-cocktail.
Jill was diagnosed with Stage 1b cervical cancer almost 4 years ago. They did surgery to remove it and no further treatment was required, as early detection of cervical cancer is highly curable. She had her 3-month scans, then her 6-month scans and last month was the first of her yearly scans. Jill was just one year shy of that 5-year mark any of us who have been cursed with cancer live for… that’s the “all clear you can get on with your life now” sign. (In two short weeks, I reach my 10 year “all clear” sign… I am a lucky, lucky girl, yet not without guilt.) With Jill’s first cancer, the same one I had only mine was a slightly lesser stage, they gave her an 85% survival rate 5 years out. Mine was 90%... really? One stinkin year is all she had to go.
But that was then, this is now…
Jill's mom Judy, our friend Mary and I, took Jill wig shopping yesterday. Jill has always worn her hair long and last weekend she cut 12 inches off, sent them to “Locks of Love” and is now sporting a darling bob. That’s my opinion of course; Jill hates it. We tried several on yesterday, short shaggy styles… Mary’s favorite, mid-length layered styles, probably my fav only because they most look like the Jill we know and love. I’m not sure this is the time for a complete makeover when you are wishing with all your might that things could just return to normal. For funzies… and at the request of her brother Craig, Jill tried on a flame red number. “Sexy” was the response from big Bro! We managed a few giggles, but there were many more tears than we had hoped for. And believe me when I say… they weren’t all Jill’s.
As most of you know, this ain’t my first Rodeo. I lost my dear friend Dini to pancreatic cancer 4 years ago and then my sister TC to breast cancer 3 years ago this past November. I know all too well the journey we are embarking on.
But know this too…
Stage IV Metastatic Disease: Fuck you; we’re not runnin. We are bringin out the big guns and you had better have your ass ready to retreat. You are not welcome here… get lost, scat, be gone… all the way gone this time!
Big tough-bad-ass words? Yep, they’re all I have right now as my friend Jill, sits in a chair, with her Mom by her side… drip, drip, drip, drip, drip…
Jill is the gentlest soul I know in this entire world. Please do whatever it is you do best when someone needs your help. Prayers, good Juju, pins in a Voo-doo doll, a stiff drink with a heartfelt toast. Send them all my good friends way; they all matter… this I know.
6 comments:
A stiff drink with a heartfelt toast and GOOD JUJU heading Jill's way. Now, how about U??
eaglefire64...
I can always use a stiff drink, always enjoy a heartfelt toast, and never turn my back on GOOD JuJu! Thanks for yours! cb
Some friend I am,I had no idea what you went through. I am so sorry. Sending in my prayers for your friend.Siobhan
Will keep her in my prayers. Sending positive energy her way and your way. Luv u.
Siobhan...
I went through nothing compared to Dini, TC and now Jill. Mine was found "after the fact"; I had surgery for other reasons. Everything they remove goes through routine pathology. It was there they discovered Stage 1 CC. Never had to go through any other treatment, just like Jill. My Dr. told me I was one of the lucky ones. By the time it would have shown up in routine testing, it would have been too late. The timing of that would have put me on the same time frame as TC. God would not put my mother through that, I know. One of us got to live... and the sickness that still puts in my stomach is the closest I'll ever come to chemo. You did not know because I did not tell. Love and miss you!
I think there is a plan out there and you are a big part of it. God kept you strong so you could be here to help those around you. You do good work! Siobhan
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