Faithful or Foolish?

Today has been an unbelievable test of faith.
If I were not there as a witness, I might doubt this story.
But not only is it true, my words cannot possibly do justice to the awfulness of it.

Last night, TC’s family put the Christmas tree up and decorated the house for a holiday season which none of us a year ago, thought TC would be here to see.
It was a bittersweet evening.
Then the sky fell.
Literally.

Ashley and her boyfriend Clint, were in the living room watching the game.
A loud cracking sound quickly grabbed their attention.
They looked up at the ceiling and astonished, saw that it was moving.
Clint who is a big guy, jumped up and tried to literally hold it in place.
The force however was bigger than he, and as he yelled for Ashley to run, the ceiling collapsed behind them, followed by 18 inches of blown insulation.
Not just one piece of drywall…the entire ceiling came down in the living room, entryway and hall.
It was a domino effect.

I can’t begin to explain in this small space, the raw emotions running through us right now.
Yes…we should be grateful no one was hurt.
Yes…we should be grateful it wasn’t worse.
Yes…we should be grateful…
Grateful, grateful, grateful….

But…

We had to move TC out of her home today; it is uninhabitable for her in this condition.
We worked like dogs today to get the debris cleaned up before we can even think about repairs.
We (I) bit my lip, and avoided going ballistic on the insurance agent, who stood there and told me that TC’s house was “built wrong” 26 years ago, they didn’t use “dry wall” nails and they will not cover any loss, including the floors which are a total loss.

"Grateful" is not high on my list of vocabulary words right now.
Shorter, one syllable words, most with just 4 letters, are.

I don’t want to be bitter.
I don’t want to question my faith.
But blind faith doesn’t come easy to me.
I fight for what I do have.

What I get in return…
It calms me when I see evil.
Without it, I feel empty and alone.
Faith carries me, when I don’t think I can go any further.

But tonight I find myself questioning…
Faith?
Or fool.

My hope is that tomorrow when I wake, it will all become clear.
It’s just a ceiling.
A mess.
Another kick in the gut when we’re already down.
But nothing more.

Our friends have generously offered to help us.
We are learning to push aside our pride and accept.
I have faith in our friends.
That kind of faith has never been in question.

As for the other, it will come back.
Somehow, it always does.