To Whom It May Concern:

I have lost my cell phone.
Yes…I have checked the recycling bin, thank you.

I am near positive I lost it in the house.
To make matters worse, the battery was dead.
Boner move, that I would rip my kids a new one for.

It seems every time we’ve lost a cell phone in this house, it’s been turned off, had a dead battery or was on vibrate.
Hence the rule…NEVER turn your phone off, let the battery die or put it on vibrate.
My bad.

But I digress.
Bottom line, if you’ve called me and I’ve not returned your call, it’s not because I don’t want to (which is my standard excuse),
Really, it’s because I don’t know that you “have” called, and if I did, I can’t call you back because I have NO ONE’S number!

It will no doubt be a few days before I rectify the situation.
It’s not as simple as calling Sprint for a new one.
We have 5 phones with them; 4 are out of contract.
If there was ever an opportunity to bail, this is it.

The logistics of that endeavor makes me want to stay in bed tomorrow.
First choose a carrier, which any seasoned user knows, will have no less issues than the one I’m quitting now in disgust, it will just have a different logo on its invoice.

Next, get everyone “the” phone they want.
Nicholas actually thinks he’s getting a Crackberry!
He must be on crack.
Jordan wants something conducive for “texting”.
My mom? Honey is a nightmare with cell phones; she actually has 3 of them, this is really going to throw her for a loop!

As for me…
I just want my old red Motorola flip phone to find its way back to me.
It wasn’t fancy, although it could be if I’d bothered to learn all that it had to offer.
But instead, I took it for granted, believing it would always be there for me.
But I set it down (somewhere), and it snuck off and took all of you with it.

So please call back in a few days when (surely) I’ll have this settled.
Or call the home # if you have it.
867-5309.
Oh…that’s Jenny’s!

And you can always email me your number.
That way I’ll have a backup.
Now there’s a good idea!!!