I Can See Clearly Now

The rain is gone.
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)Sun-Shiny day.(I Can See Clearly Now. Johnny Nash, 1972)


I’ve not been seeing too clearly lately.
In fact, I’ve barely been seeing anything at all.
I’ve been too scared to look.
Too scared to write.
And definitely too scared to let go.

I tried hard to hang on to 2006.
It felt like I was holding my breath just willing time to stand still.
I was paralyzed by the fear of what lie ahead in the New Year.

Then finally today, I exhaled.
A long, solid, soul-cleansing exhale.
I needed to catch my breath.
Time waits for no one.

I had received somewhat anticipated, yet dreadful news today.
My friend Jill was diagnosed with cancer.
She is devastated, petrified and fearing the worst.

“What am I going to do, what’s going to happen to my girls?” she asked me.

I had a sudden flashback to October 2003, when TC was first diagnosed with breast cancer.
For a split second, I thought of all the things we would do differently.
Then just as quickly, I was overwhelmed by the thought of everything she, TC, had done right.
With that, I answered Jill.

“You will fight”, I told her.
“And you will live your life with vigor.
To your young girls, you will give the gift of independence.
Your husband will be given the opportunity to rise to the occasion and be the man he was always meant to be.
Because of you, they will learn compassion.
From you, they will learn courage.
And together…you will be strong, and you will win.”

Jill is numb today.
But I can see clearly now.
TC doesn’t want me to hold my breath anymore.
By doing so, I am disrespecting the very thing she wants for me most…
To “live my life with vigor”.

I love to write in my blog.
I love it when someone sends me a note and tells me I touched them or inspired them or that I made them laugh.

I was sad when the words stopped coming.
And I am grateful that they are back.
Jill gave them to me.

The song doesn’t say that the obstacles are gone.
Instead, it acknowledges and confronts them.
Most all of us will face obstacles this year.
If given the chance, don’t be blinded by them.
Confront them, face them, fight them if you must.
But above all else…
Hang on.

Hang on and wait for the bright, sun-shiny days to return.
I’ve got to believe that someday, they will return.
TC would want me to.