I Have Time

This morning caught me off guard.
It was 6:45 and as I passed the office searching for my first cup of Joe, Jordie said “Hi Mom”.
It all went down hill from there.

Next thing I know she was bawling.
Uncontrollable sobbing.
I rushed to her side and before I could even ask what was wrong,
I saw it.
The note.

TC had recently scribbled me a note with some of her wishes on it.
I had it on my desk because I’ve been tending to them.
I never intended Jordan to see it.
I wish she hadn’t.
The words are so real, so final.

I let her cry.
I held her tight.
We didn’t speak for a long time.
But when we did, we talked about God, and Heaven and Eternal life.
We talked about how TC is the lucky one and it’s we who still have life’s challenges ahead of us.
And we cried.

Later, I was recounting this story to my Mom.
She said, “Chris. Can you imagine what you would have done if you were still working? How differently you would have reacted to her pain?”

I didn’t have to think about the answer.
I knew it immediately.
I would have sternly said, “Jordan, I don’t need this right now, I don’t have time. We are late, we have places to be”, all while masking my own intense pain behind those cruel words.

But I do have time now.
And I take it.
I thank God every day for the time I’ve been given to see this thing through.

Ironically, just last night I was in a small group and we were talking about the hurried pace of life.
The proverbial gerbil cage we all live in, spinning, spinning, spinning.
I was lamenting how the concept of “Simplify” continues to evade me.
A wise friend clarified for me where I might be going wrong.
Instead of trying to simplify, he told us…
Simply Prioritize.

This morning presented me with an opportunity to test that theory.
And it worked brilliantly.
Jordan was my top priority.
My only priority at that moment.
We made it through the pain together.
She’s at school now; I’m going about my day.

But I know how lucky I am.
I had the time.
There was no place else I had to be.
No place else I wanted to be.
I just wanted to hold her, for however long it took for this latest round of pain to go away.

It will be back.
Soon.
But I’ll take care of it.
I have time.
And priorities.