Like Mother, Like Daughter....

Trust me on this...
No four words in the Enlish language make me cringe more, when being told a story about my daughter.

Jordan had the good fortune to be invited down to her buddy's lake house over the holiday weekend.
The name of this playground is "Lake of the Ozarks" and I was younger than Jordie when I started to go most every weekend with my friend and her family.
Even in 5th grade, it quickly became clear to me that this was a Party place.
Me likey!

So when Jordie got home, sunburned to the bone, she had a zillion stories to share with us.
They rode the ski boat, partied on the Pontoon boat, raced ski-doos and caught major air tubing behind the boats. Fun, fun, fun in the sun.

Just as I thought she was wrapping up her stories about the lake, she blammed me with one more story. One I was clearly not ready for!

"We went to a bar called Big Dick's and I shot a minnow Mom!"
"Shot a minnow?" I questioned while (seriously) envisioning them shooting a 22 caliber rifle into the lake at unsuspecting minnows.

"No Mom, I had a shot glass of sprite with a live minnow swimming around in it. I shot it up and swallowed it, and slammed the glass back down on the table letting out a big howl, just like you and Aunt Tc taught me to drink my medicine when I was little!"

"Oh my God"... is all I could say. "What did the people around you do?"

"Well as soon as I opened my mouth and stuck out my tongue, the crowd went wild! High five's were everywhere, it was awesome!"

Now I would like to state for the record UNEQUIVOCALLY, that I have never swallowed a live minnow. Or any other fish for that matter. A worm yes, one time....but that was under duress. Which quickly turned to undressed. Yes it's true... tequila makes your clothes fall off!

Jordie doing shots, slammin them down and firing up the crowd.
Somehow I'm oddly OK with that.

But the first time I see a worm in that shotglass... all bets are off!
This time it will be Daddy with the 22 caliber rifle.
And them won't be minnows he's shootin at!
Run Forrest, Run!!!

25 Reasons I Owe My Mother...

My friend Jeanie sent me this. She was a single Mom for a good portion of her kids upbringing and I used to chuckle when all she wanted for Mother’s Day was for her “Ex” to take the kids that day. I didn’t have kids of my own back then, and now that Mikey travels so much, I have a better understanding of her wish! Mike’s in Hawaii on “bidnez” for a couple of weeks… so my kids are up for grabs Sunday. Take a number!

1. My mother taught me: TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'

2. My mother taught me: RELIGION.
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'

3. My mother taught me: TIME TRAVEL.
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'

4. My mother taught me: LOGIC.
'Because I said so, that's why!"

5. My mother taught me: MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'

6. My mother taught me: FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'

7. My mother taught me: IRONY.
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

9. My mother taught me: CONTORTIONISM.
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

10. My mother t aught me about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'

11. My mother taught me: WEATHER .
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

12. My mother taught me: HYPOCRISY.
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'

13. My mother taught me: THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

1 4. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting like your father!'

15. My mother taught me: ENVY.
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just wait until we get home.'

17. My mother taught me: RECEIVING.
'You are going to get it when you get home!'

18. My mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'

19. My mother taught me: ESP.
'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'

20. My mother taught me: HUMOR.
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'

21. My mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'

22. My mother taught me: GENETICS.
'I swear you're just like your father.'

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'

24. My mother taught me: WISDOM:
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.

'25. And my favorite: My MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT JUSTICE:
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!

Happy Mother's Day ladies... enjoy!