I'm Tawkin to You...Punk

The article below was written for the Kansas City Star.
The author is Nick’s Rec league basketball coach, Jeff Forker.


ON YOUTH SPORTS COACHES

AS I SEE IT: Young athletes need teaching, not egoistic tyrants
By JEFF FORKER

This is to all you youth coaches out there, of every sport. Some of you are punks. That’s right. You heard me. You are. You know it.

Some of you spend your time at practices and games bullying and intimidating boys and girls to get them to win games for your unfulfilled sports fantasies. Your mantras are “Win at all costs” and “Do whatever it takes.”

Let me clue you in on something. It is not your job to win games. It is your responsibility to develop young talent. And that means the talent of all the kids on your teams. If you focus only on the kids with obvious talent then you are failing in that task, and you are cheating whatever sport you coach out of untold amounts of talent.

Many youth coaches say they want to coach and teach boys. What most do is focus on the stars and studs, those worthy of their coaching and attentions. But, sometimes you need to dig deeper than the surface to find gold. Ask any jeweler and he or she will tell you that some rocks take more cutting and polishing to bring out the gem.

You’re not in the NFL or the NCAA. It is not even high school. Do not coach your grade schoolers like they are high school players. A very small number will ever even have a shot at the NFL or NBA. But, there is much more at stake than that.

Sports can teach kids crucial life lessons and values and help to make them healthy and productive citizens. “Do whatever it takes” is not one of those values. One bad season with a clueless coach can affect a child for his or her entire life. Most of us who played sports as kids have such memories.
Many of you have learned to talk the talk. But most of you don’t walk the walk. Your actions betray you. Matter of fact, try to leave your ego out of it. This is not about you. It is about the kids. Your mantras should be “It is about the kids” and “What is best for the kids?”

Do not misunderstand me. I know the value and necessity of training hard and playing to win. I do not conduct “touchy-feely” practices.

What I do understand is that it takes a few seasons for most kids to learn even the core skills of their sports and that kids develop and learn at different rates and in different ways. Your job as coach is to figure that out for each of your players. They are not there for you. You are there for them.

So, please, do not betray your sport. Try to leave your ego out of it. Coach each and every boy and girl as if they are your own. Because, while they are on your team, they are. And coach your kids based on expectations appropriate to their ages and abilities.

Also, last I knew the NFL and NBA still had coaches and practices. So, maybe the coaching and learning never ends.

(Jeff Forker is a parent and coach. He lives in Overland Park.)


Nick is 10 years old.
He’s already burned out on the game of baseball because of his last coach.
We’ll be lucky if he ever suits up for America's past time again.

Coach Jeff is one of the good guys.
We’re lucky to have him on our team.
And as an added bonus…
He tells good jokes, teaches us French and gives out stock tips!

As my friend Dini used to say, “What a deal!”

I Have Time

This morning caught me off guard.
It was 6:45 and as I passed the office searching for my first cup of Joe, Jordie said “Hi Mom”.
It all went down hill from there.

Next thing I know she was bawling.
Uncontrollable sobbing.
I rushed to her side and before I could even ask what was wrong,
I saw it.
The note.

TC had recently scribbled me a note with some of her wishes on it.
I had it on my desk because I’ve been tending to them.
I never intended Jordan to see it.
I wish she hadn’t.
The words are so real, so final.

I let her cry.
I held her tight.
We didn’t speak for a long time.
But when we did, we talked about God, and Heaven and Eternal life.
We talked about how TC is the lucky one and it’s we who still have life’s challenges ahead of us.
And we cried.

Later, I was recounting this story to my Mom.
She said, “Chris. Can you imagine what you would have done if you were still working? How differently you would have reacted to her pain?”

I didn’t have to think about the answer.
I knew it immediately.
I would have sternly said, “Jordan, I don’t need this right now, I don’t have time. We are late, we have places to be”, all while masking my own intense pain behind those cruel words.

But I do have time now.
And I take it.
I thank God every day for the time I’ve been given to see this thing through.

Ironically, just last night I was in a small group and we were talking about the hurried pace of life.
The proverbial gerbil cage we all live in, spinning, spinning, spinning.
I was lamenting how the concept of “Simplify” continues to evade me.
A wise friend clarified for me where I might be going wrong.
Instead of trying to simplify, he told us…
Simply Prioritize.

This morning presented me with an opportunity to test that theory.
And it worked brilliantly.
Jordan was my top priority.
My only priority at that moment.
We made it through the pain together.
She’s at school now; I’m going about my day.

But I know how lucky I am.
I had the time.
There was no place else I had to be.
No place else I wanted to be.
I just wanted to hold her, for however long it took for this latest round of pain to go away.

It will be back.
Soon.
But I’ll take care of it.
I have time.
And priorities.

True story:

The phone rang today just as I was rushing out the door.
“Where are you running off to?” my neighbor asked.
“I’m taking Tucker out to the farm vet”, I told her.
“Oh, are you having him put down?” she asked in all seriousness!

That’s how bad Tucker has been this week.
So bad in fact, that I swore I would never blog about him again.
He is not worthy!

The true reason for my visit was twofold.
For one, he has allergies and needed a shot.
The second…we needed to have a little chat with the Doc about his recent (mis)behavior.

In a perfect world, I’d have Caesar the Dog Whisperer stop by for a session.
But this ain’t L.A.
We’re in Kansas Toto.
And I’ve given up on the suburban vets.
They’re all over priced pill pushers.
I refuse to put the dog on an anti-depressant!

So I headed out to the country, Tucker in tow.
These old farm vets don’t screw around.
They tell it like it is and often times rely on tried and true home remedies instead of expensive drugs.
Such was the case today.

This is what you get for 54 bucks out in the country:
30 minutes of the good Doctor’s time. (Think Dog Shrink)
One steroid shot for Tuck’s allergies.
2 cans of green beans added to his daily diet.
And a Benadryl tablet twice a day.

Tucker and I made “nice” today in our therapy session with the Doc.
He’s had his green beans this evening and is sleeping like a baby.
For now at least…
He has a new lease on life.

But so help me God, if he ever crosses me again?
I’m sending him to the vet with my neighbor!

Exit off Easy Street…

And turn right onto “Life as we know it is over” Avenue.

Admittedly, athletics in our house have so far been limited to recreational leagues and school teams.
School teams are my favorite.
You put them on the school bus at 7 in the morning and you don’t see them again until 5 that night.
They come home tired and hungry with homework yet to do.
Easy Street.

But that all changed this past weekend.
Jordie tried out for three different Travel Volleyball Clubs.
She faced tough competition but two of the three teams offered her a spot.
She is now a Kansas City Twister and needless to say, she is thrilled.

Club volleyball is a commitment.
Practices 2 to 3 times a week at a facility 25 miles away.
Weekend tournaments, most of those out of town.
Large fees and teammates who are strangers.
Life as we know it is over…
At least until April.

PROGRAM NOTE:

All of the above was written earlier in the day.
It is now 10pm and my mushy, nostalgic mood has changed.
Maybe it has something to do with the car that rear-ended me on my way to Jordan’s basketball game or maybe it has more to do with the fact that we just got home from the Emergency Room.
No, not because of the car accident.
It was the elbow Jordie took to her temple going after a rebound.

Easy Street my ass!!!

You Can Vote AND You Can Bitch…

But you can’t bitch if you don’t vote,
Those are the rules.

Vote!

Tucker. Rhymes with…

Nicholas had quite the Halloween haul last night.
He came home with an obnoxious amount of candy.
My plan was to take half of it and send it with my neighbor to the homeless shelter.

My first clue should have been when Tucker had a Skittles wrapper stuck to his foot this afternoon.
He actually whimpered when I pulled the sticky candy from his fur.
But the obvious just didn’t occur to me.

Until Nick got home that is.
He went to his room and let out a blood curdling scream.

“TUCKER ATE MY CANDY!!!”

Holy crap!
That dog has a death wish.
And if the 5 lbs of chocolate doesn’t kill him, I just might!