Contradictions

Happy… I am going home.
Fearful… about TC’s cancer.
Excited… to be part of my friends lives again.
Numb… about what the future may hold.
Humbled… by a long journey.
Cocky… because we aced the journey.
At Peace… I trust God’s will.
Angry… why is it happening again?
Strong… we can beat this.
Weak… I am mentally exhausted..
Honest… I am scared.

Global Warming

January has been a joy!
Temperatures have been flirting with the low 60’s in typically cold climates all over the country.

Some people are concerned…
I am ecstatic.
Bring it on!

If this Global Warming continues,
The Midwest will soon be considered the perfect climate.
Kansas City here I come!

Too hot I can deal with…
Too cold blows!

February…don’t let me down!

Paperless World???

I think it’s a fair estimate to say I have personally been responsible for the demise of an entire tree this week.
Maybe even a Great Sequoia!

Forms, forms and more forms.
Weren’t we supposed to be going paperless?
I have more papers on my desk right now than food in my cabinets, socks in my drawer, lame ideas in my head!
Papers are everywhere and they all need filled out.

Some of the papers (school registration forms) ask the same question two or three times!
They are very serious about knowing your Doctor, Dentist and Emergency Contacts…God forbid they get stuck with a sick kid.
I tend to write “see previous answer” a lot…maybe they’ll get it.

The real issue though is the paper!
Why can’t these forms be filled out online…it’s 2006 folks!
With “Cut & Paste” I could be through it all in an hour.
But this antiquated way puts me at Day 3 and countless cups of Coffee & Bailey’s!
It’s all becoming a blur.

Then factor in that everything I fill out,
There is some poor soul on the other end that has to input it somewhere.
What a waste…
At least the address I’m returning them to isn’t someplace in India!
Yet!!!

Rebel with a Cause

One would think, at 70 years old,
Your parents shouldn’t have to worry about their kids anymore.
But their daughter is sick.
My parent’s hearts are broken.

One would think, at 49 years old,
An older sister can stop looking out for her kid sister.
But her sister is sick.
Her heart is broken.

One would think, at 44 years old,
A little sister has the right to grow old with her big sis.
But my sister is sick.
My heart is broken.

There is a bit of good news though.
TC has always been a rebel.
It didn’t serve her particularly well in her youth,
But now…it may be the very thing that pulls her through!

You Fight TC, you Fight.

And The Fun Begins…

The house is officially on the market.
I am officially certifiable.

Two kids, two dogs, a turtle and a husband M.I.A.,
And I’m supposed to have this house “show” ready 24/7.
Good luck to me on that!

The last time we sold a home,
Cell phones were a luxury item.
Now they call you from the driveway,
“Hey can I come in and check out your crib”?

Not enough time to pick up the underwear on the bathroom floor much less fill a dishwasher and spray Febreeze.

A prediction?
Someone…some poor sweet woman no doubt,
Is going to catch me at just the right (wrong) moment and get the wrath of Chrissy.

My goal is to avoid that.
As well as the underwear on the floor.
No promises but I’m trying here folks.

I'm Going To Kansas City…Kansas City Here I Come

Kansas City, Kansas City here I come.
They've got some crazy little women there
and I'm gonna get me one.
(Wilbert Harrison)

Mike has accepted a position with his employer, Advatek, back in Kansas City which means we will be going home soon!
The timing couldn’t be better.

It’s been quite a journey, these last 2 years.
Texas was a hoot…
Indy just never really won over our hearts,
But it’s not like we really gave it a fair shot.
We will however miss Josie & Ned and the Egg Man!

We can’t wait to get home,
See y’all soon!

I Had Too Much to Drink Last Night…

“If” I remember correctly…
Mike and I committed to a “bicycling trip” this summer with our Indy friends Josie and Ned!
July to be exact.
I can’t stand sitting by a pool in July much less sitting on a 6 inch seat peddling!

Josie says the seat is much easier on your ass if you wear “real” cycling shorts.
Now there’s a visual!!!
She also mentioned a product called “Butt Cream” but I don’t want to go there!

The good news?
We’re cycling the Katy Trail through Herrmann.
Herrmann is Missouri Wine Country!
I hope it’s like Napa where you just go (peddle) from one wine tasting to another.
Something tells me I’ll have too much to drink that night too!

Better yet…maybe it was all a bad dream.

Lotto Anyone?

Other than Catholic Mass,
Nothing makes me squirm more than watching my own kid’s sports activities.
I really should have a Xanax to get through them.

Since the good Doc won’t give any free samples out…
I’ve had to come up with my own anti-anxiety activities.

I watch the scoreboard.
Sometimes the clock stops and the numbers scream “Play me, play me”.
I may be crazy, but when I win…
I’ll send you a postcard from my new home in the Riviera.

Go Trojans, go!

Prayers Appreciated

My sister TC is a champ.
She fought breast cancer 2 years ago, opting for a double mastectomy to help ensure the beast doesn’t come back.
She’d done well.

Until now that is.
Yep…that S.O.B. has reared his ugly little head again.
So we’re getting ready for Round 2.

It’s a little scarier this time,
It will definitely be a tougher fight.
But we’re up for it,
Because we’re a Team.

If you’d like to join our Team…please do.
The entry fee is only a Prayer.

Thanks!

Boo-siers!!!

These Hoosiers are very serious about their basketball here.
They have more intensity in their pinky finger than I do in my whole body.

I found myself questioning my own sanity as I drove 45 minutes one way through near blizzard conditions to watch Jordan’s team lose (again).
But even more so I wondered if I could be arrested for child endangerment for allowing her to go on the same roads in the same conditions on a school bus without seatbelts!
The game should have been called off.

But not here in Hoosierville…basketball is in their blood.
Now I grew up watching KU …Roy Williams style.
I’m no stranger to Hoops, I can holler with the best of them.
But these guys here are mean; they will single out an opposing player and just torment her.
I’m talking about the parents here, not the players.
I was mortified to be sitting in the same section as some of them.

It’s Junior High School basketball folks…
In the wise words of Rodney King…
“Can’t we all just get along?”

Are We There Yet?

(Because I have hit what real writers call "Writers Block"...this is a Musing I wrote a few months ago but never posted. Maybe if I follow my own advice, I'll find my inspiration again. cb)

I just arrived home from a long weekend spent back home in Kansas.
What should normally take 7 ½ hours to drive took nearly 9.
Ouch.
Suffice it to say, I had a lot of time to reflect.

With me, were my two kids and the dogs. Not once did I hear “Are we there yet?”
But boy did “I” think it.
Not in the typical way though…I found myself wondering something entirely different.

Before attempting to answer the question “Are we there yet?” I first have to ask myself, “Where am I going?” followed by “Why am I going there”, “Am I sure I want to go there?” and ultimately, “Is there somewhere else I’d rather go?”

For me, the answers sounded something like this:

I’m going “No Where” in particular.

I’m going there, because I’ve stopped dreaming. Or perhaps I forgot my dreams. Or maybe I began to believe my dreams can’t come true. I think though, that life got in the way and I forgot “how” to dream.

I don’t want to go to “no where in particular”. It sounds dull and boring there. It’s crowded and not very esthetically pleasing; the colors are bland and the voices are monotone, they just sort of blend into one another, like the radio dial is stuck on the A.M. frequency.

Nope, I want to go somewhere else. And I’m not going to get all freaked out needing to know exactly where. I just know it ain’t gonna be “No Where”.

So today, I challenge myself. I challenge myself to do more, see more, read more, write more, ask more questions, make new friends, say “yes” more often, be more grateful, show more grace and embrace not just the life I have, but the life I can have…the life I once dreamed of. Today, I will remember how to dream.

When I get to where I’m going, I don’t want to have to ask “Am I there yet?” I just want to have enjoyed the ride.

Baker Boys and Dirt Bikes

Mike has been talking to Nick for some time now about buying a dirt bike.
Seems the Baker Boys of yore raced them when they were Nick’s age.
Nick’s “Boy Cousins” got one for Christmas…can we be far behind?

I…being from all girls, think the idea ludicrous.
We’ve had enough ER runs to last the rest of my parenting days.

And then when they just about have me convinced,
This pops up on my screen...
Dumbass.

I’m going to need a bit more convincing now!

The Upside of Insomnia…

It’s 2 a.m. and I’m fighting the Sleep Gods again.
I’m wise enough to know at this point in my life when to throw in the towel.

Another wise man once told me this little ditty about life in general:
“It’s all how you frame it” he told me on more than one occasion.

I could stay in bed, tossing and turning and cussing the Sleep Gods,
Or I can re-frame the situation.

I chose the latter.
The up-tick in that?
My master bath is spit-shine, Lysol brain cell killing clean.
The oven, which was put on the automatic clean mode before bed last night has been rinsed out.
And several pair of shoes have been put back into their rightful box.

There was a day when I would have made fun of people like me.
But now I’m a believer…
When your Ambien is “lost in the mail”…
Never, never piss off the Sleep Gods!

There’s goes the coffee buzzer…
Game on.

Girls Suck!

For girls, 7th grade is a nightmare.
Period.
I don’t care if you’ve been with the same group of kids since kindergarten, enter middle school and all bets are off.
Girls are mean.
Now factor in being the “new” kid and it reaches a whole new level of cruelty.

I could not be more proud of Jordan this year.
She has put up with some serious crap.
Yes, first with tears,
But quickly, with every single incident, she has risen above it and moved on.
She still believes that there is some girl out there that is not going to disappoint her.
Someone who is going to turn out to be what the others have just cruelly pretended to be…a friend.
And that girl will hit the jackpot.
Just look at this face…
What’s not to love?

It’s Gonna be a Long Season…

Jordan played her first girls basketball game last night.
Holy Crap…
It was like watching a death march.
The score at halftime was Home: 30, Guests: 0
Guest who we were?!? (ha ha)

The girls rallied in the second half though,
They managed to put 9 points on the board.
Go Trojans…which for the record,
I never dreamed I’d ever be yelling out!

The Crossroads of America

That’s the “other” nickname for the Hoosier State.
Apparently more Interstate Highways cross through this state than any other.
It ought to however, be called “The Skull and Crossbones of America.”
Every time I get on the highway here I risk my life.
I had a doctor’s appointment today…. (Yes, I did get my Ambien back!)
But by the time I made the 30 minute trip there and back again I think I was nearly run off the road 3 times by some dumbass trucker.
Ever notice the “look” they give you after they’ve nearly killed you.
One perv actually had his digital camera out and snapped my picture!
No worries…I gave him a good shot!

Oh well…at least I’ll sleep well tonight.
Nighty, night!

The Pilch

The Pilcher’s have been close friends of ours for close to 13 years.
They are, in a word, a hoot!
Pilch (John) can drink anyone under the table,
And he’s and old sod!
Famous Grouse, a blended Scotch Whiskey, is his cocktail of choice.
Dawn likes her Wine although it does tend to make her a bit loopey.
Pilch merely goes to sleep at 8p.m. each evening…
Dawn can go the distance all night!

The Pilcher’s moved back to his native England last year.
It’s not like things are very different between us.
Our relationship in recent years has been sustained (mostly) via Email;
I just received one today and I got a real chuckle out of it.

It appears that the Pilcher’s went back to Houston in October to visit old friends.
They found that the price of Famous Grouse went down by 4 bucks a bottle since they left!
Apparently the Houston economy misses Pilch as much as we do!

Here’s to ya Pilch!
Cling, cling.

Check Yes or No

It started way back in third grade.
I used to sit beside Emily.
Had on a pink dress, a matching bow, and her pony tail. She kissed me on the school bus, but told me not to tell.

Next day I chased her round the playground.
Across the monkey bars, to the merry-go-round.
And Emily got caught passing me a note.
Before the teacher took it, I read what she wrote.

Do you love me, do you wanna be my friend?
And if you do,
well then don't be afraid to take me by the hand If you want to.
I think this is how love goes,
check yes or no.
(Check Yes or No by George Strait)

And so it begins.
The doorbell rang a few minutes ago and little Miss Emily from across the street had this note for Nick.
Initially, he wrote in “kinda”.
But given the strong influence of his sister,
He begrudgingly changed it to “Yes”.

Poor kid…
He’ll never be allowed to choose his own wife.
Not while Jordie’s around!

A Cowboy and his Wife’s Bra…

This was sent to me by my friend Mary. I just HAD to share! Enjoy.

I ain't much for shopping,
Or for goin' into town
Except at cattle-shipping time,
I ain't too easily found.

But the day came when I had to go
I left the kids with Ma.
But 'fore I left, she asked me,
"Would you pick me up a bra?"

So without thinkin' I said, "Sure,"
How tough could that job be?
An' I bent down and kissed her
An' said, "I'll be back by three.
"
Well, I done the things I needed,
But I started to regret
Ever offering to buy that thing
I worked me up a sweat

I walked into the ladies' shop
My hat pulled over my eyes,
I didn't want to take a
On bein' recognized.

I walked up to the sales clerk
I didn't hem or haw
I told that lady right straight out,
"I'm here to buy a bra."

From behind I heard some snickers,
So I turned around to see
Every woman in that store
Was a'gawkin' right at me!

"What kind would you be looking for?"
Well, I just scratched my head.
I'd only seen one kind before,
"Thought bras was bras," I said.

She gave me a disgusted look,
"Well sir, that's where you're wrong.
Follow me," I heard her say,
Like a dog, I tagged along.

She took me down this alley
Where bras was on display.
I thought my jaw would hit the floor
When I saw that lingerie.

They had all these different styles
That I'd never seen before
I thought I'd go plumb crazy
'fore I left that women's store.

They had bras you wear for eighteen hours
And bras that cross your heart.
There was bras that lift and separate,
And that was just the start.

They had bras that made you feel
Like you ain't wearing one at all,
And bras that you can train in
When you start off when you're small.

Well, I finally made my mind up
Picked a black and lacy one
I told the lady, "Bag it up,"
And figured I was done.

But then she asked me for the size
I didn't hesitate
I knew that measurement by heart,
"A six-and-seven-eighths."

"Six and seven eighths you say?
That really isn't right."
"Oh, yes ma'am! I'm real positive
I measured them last night!"

I thought that she'd go into shock,
Musta took her by surprise
When I told her that my wife's bust
Was the same as my hat size.

"That's what I used to measure with,
I figured it was fair,
But if I'm wrong, I'm sorry ma'am."
This drew another stare.

By now a crowd had gathered
And they all was crackin' up
When the lady asked to see my hat,
To measure for the cup.

When she finally had it figured,
I gave the gal her pay.
Then I turned to leave the store,
Tipped my hat and said, "Good day."

My wife had heard the story
'fore I ever made it home.
She'd talked to fifteen women
Who called her on the phone.

She was still a-laughin'
But by then I didn't care.
Now she don't ask and I don't shop
For women's underwear.

~ Author Unknown

The Indy Monster

“Mom, come quick” Nick yelled the other day.
“Arghhhhh.”
I was in the middle of doing my hair which is as rare as a Peace Treaty in the Middle East.

“What do you need?” I screamed back. (You’d think we live in a Palace.)

“I think I see a Monster in the pond! One like Nelly, come quick!”

By now the curling iron was so entangled in my hair, I had to unplug it and take it with me down the hall at a pace this body has not hit since I used to ding-dong-digit.

“Here I am, show me” I said, feigning enthusiasm (and gasping for air).

“You missed it. It had a big long tail on it with no hair.”

“Must have been a beaver” I suggested.

“Nope, it was way bigger than a beaver” Nick insisted.

And the thing is, he said it with such authority… that now when I’m home alone dinking around the house, I can’t help but keep one eye on that pond.

After all… I hear Nelly’s still on the loose!

Lunesta

You’re a butterfly
And butterflies are free to fly
Fly away, high away, bye bye
(Someone Saved My Life Tonight, Sir Elton John)

Well no one saved my lousy life last night,
I’ll tell ya that!

The good Doc took me off my Ambien.
“It’s a narcotic, you know.”
Narcotics bad.

He prescribed the “Butterfly” medicine.
You know the one.
The pretty little green bug flying into people’s bedroom windows and finding them sound asleep.
The ad wants us to believe it’s because of Lunesta, the other purple pill.

Well I pulled an all-nighter on Lunesta last night.
I can remember when an all-nighter was a good thing!
Last night…not so good.

I want my Ambien back
And that little green butterfly can kiss the very white of my ass!

Happy Flu Year!

Mike, Jordan and I all have the flu.
Nick is sure to follow.

To any of you who we had the pleasure to see last week…
We apologize ahead of time if you come down with this curse!

We hope you have a Happy New Year,
Not a Lousy Flu Year!

Mama’s Girl

I’m a Mama’s Girl,
There’s just no denying it.
I have her genetic makeup,
The good along with the bad.

When I was little…
I wouldn’t let go of her.
She had a perpetual clump in whatever she was wearing that day.
It was caused by me tightly wadding her clothes up in my fist and not letting go!
She was my security.

As we grow up,
It’s our Mom who is there for most of our “firsts”.
First day of school.
First bra.
First prom dress.
First broken heart.
First Wedding Dress… (I designed my second one on my own!)
First baby.

And then life gets busy.
And the “firsts” with Mom tend to end.
There are new firsts now,
Ones with our own children.

Or so it seemed…
Yesterday in Target, Mom and I had another “first”.
At (a mere) 44 years old,
She helped me pick out my “first” pair of reading glasses!

We giggled like school girls as we tried on the crazy styles.
Moaned in pain as we chose some way too strong.
In the end, we went with a practical (1.75x) cute little green pair.

And as we searched the parking lot for our (misplaced) car…
I wondered how many more “firsts” lie ahead for Mom and me.
Many I assume…
Most will be joyous,
Some may not be so great.

But it’s comforting to know,
We’ll still have them and we’ll tackle them together.
And my money’s on a whole lot more giggles than moans!

I love you Mama.