And I Stayed Home for This???

When embarking on a new life, be it by your own choice or not…the reality of that life does not always align with the original vision. A show home and incredible nightly cuisine, using only fresh ingredients, may indeed have once been my own vision…but sometimes, Reality Sucks!


It’s Thursday afternoon. Mike will be home tonight for the weekend. Time for me to “kick it up a notch” (or seventeen), and pull myself out of slugdom. It’s amazing how you can do so little because no one is watching, but the minute you know someone is, or will be soon…Vrooooooooooom…overdrive.

I’ve got it down to where I can clean; I mean really clean this house in a couple of hours. That may have something to do with my OCD which disallows the children to play with anything, eat away from the kitchen table or use a towel less than 5 days in a row…but who knows.

My dilemma of the moment is dinner. Considering I only make it umm…3 times a week is a fair average guess, it shouldn’t be that difficult trying to come up with a culinary marvel. Rachel Rays “30 Minute Meals”…yeah right Rache…is pretty much yesterdays leftovers,. I have 2 volumes of Cooking Light, again…whatever, so I have no other choice but to look to the newspaper. It is after all “Food Section” day.

Someone submitted the following “World Famous” (???) recipe:

5 Can Casserole
1 can tuna1 small can evaporated milk1 can chicken noodle soup1 can cream of mushroom soup1 can chow mein noodles
Mix all the cans in 1 1/2 qt casserole (open them first), and bake uncovered at 350º for 45 minutes uncovered. Let it sit for a few minutes after taking it out, as the temp is still nukular.
Now eat it.

Again folks…you can’t make this shit up!

A Day in My Life...

A little background first. I have, oh...ALL FRIGGIN DAY to go to the grocery store or whatever other little piddly ass things I choose to have on my wide-open daily agenda. But typical me...one hour before Nicky is getting off the school bus...I decide there's nothing to eat in the house and I'd better scoot. Vroom...vroom....vroom. On my way...I return all the phone calls I've "screened"...I'm actually thinking I should spend more time in the truck...I use my drive time very efficiently. Strategically, I decide which door I should park by, it is after all, a SUPER Target and I'm on a tight schedule...bus comes in 40 minutes! Never fails, I have a load of frozen food and I come out by the stereos exactly one half mile away from my parked car. Whoever thought up the concept of grocery shopping and" wasting money on stupid shit you don't need but pile in your cart anyway", is a total moron. I just can't reconcile a new plunger next to my fresh asparagus in the cart...maybe it's just me! Anyway, suffice it so say...I'm shopping like a madwoman.

I come wheeling around a produce display and I'm startled with a loud, "Hi"! I look up and there is this little boy greeting me. I say "Hi"...as my challenged mind struggles with the fact....could it really be...that there are two more EXACTLY like him?!? "Oh Hi again, and Hi to you" as I glance around for the glutton of these 3 look-a-likes. Holy Crap...there she is AND she's about to deliver a baby!!! "Oh...and Hi yet again....I suppose"....babbling on like a complete simpleton now, admittedly I am overwhelmed by HER life. I don't remember much after that initial meeting...I did get jolted back into the reality of my pathetic ineptness when I heard her telling one of them "No, we don't need anymore banana's honey, we already have them for the banana bread we're going to make"...She friggin BAKES too??? (As I sheepishly put down the instant pudding box and reach for the real Tapioca) Inspiration can come to us in many forms. I'm not quite sure how yet...but I think this woman/Superhero has somehow changed my life. I cooked dinner for the kids and I last night, covered 3 separate subjects for homework (without insinuating that either of the kids were mentally challenged), put a patio screen door back on its track, and read 2 chapters out loud with Jordan from the book, "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants". Maybe, hopefully, I'm finally getting a better handle on this stay-at-home job I have. It's tougher than I thought, but just like in the "real job" world, it you appreciate and learn from those with a bit more seniority, the ones who actually do know what they're doing because they have been in your shoes…life can seem a bit less overwhelming.

I don’t know who that woman is, or where she was last night. But I like to keep the fantasy going. In my mind, she had all three little darlings fed, bathed and tucked in bed. She had a glass of wine and was reading a great book while classical music played in the background to her unborn child. Oh come on…get your own fantasy…this one is mine!!!

Bzzzzzzzzzz...Thanks for Playing.

Bragging Rights are affectionately awarded to Big Bad Barry. Thanks Bear!

Well this is it, my initial entry into the Blogosphere. Doo-du-doo-du, Doo-du-doo-du! Some of you wrote to me how impressed you are with my tech-savvy. Oh Pleeeeeze. I'm just like you, but with a lot more time on my hands! I don't know very much yet...in fact, let me tell you what I do know, that list is a lot shorter.

• I have the attention span of an ant. This Blog may have a short life.
• This particular blog-hosting service was chosen because they make it so simple, a monkey could do it. (And it's free. Free works for me)
• You get what you pay for. More on that when I'm smart enough to figure out what I'm "not" getting.
• I have the attention span of an ant. Did I already say that?
• At this point I have little control over the format (again, you get what you pay for). I've not yet been able to change the font or the size. I have mastered the font color, however I can't figure out for the life of me why the title is in lime green.
• My hope is to quickly get past this technical crap and get back to Musings.
• The best (and only advice) I've gotten so far about Blogging is from fellow Blogger "That Guy". He says it's best to get my content out there, the design will come later. Let's hope.
• At the bottom of each Posting, there is a place for you to leave comments. I don't know how it works, but if you use it, I'll find out. If you read something that speaks to you, let me know. If you read something that makes you never want to speak to me again...I apologize now, sort of.
• I encourage you to bookmark my site with your other favorites and to pass it on to your friends. It’s been no secret that my ulterior motive for this blog is that maybe someone, somewhere, will recognize my vast comedic talent or my occasional sincere sappiness, and my new life as a published writer will begin.
• Please remember, this is a work in progress.
• And finally...enjoy.
  

Addendum (already... site is only one hour old!): Apparently I checked the box allowing "anyone" to comment. I've already received 3 anonymously. They were all selling something. I've had to make a change. Now if you want to comment...I think you may have to register one time. Not sure...we'll muddle through this together.